fortunate

Yesterday I spent $21.50 on three pomegranates, a half gallon of fresh squeezed orange juice, and a small heirloom dry farmed watermelon.  I feel fortunate that I am able to do so. $21.50 on five items that will expire within days of purchase is a bit steep.

$21.50 for me is a smidge shy of two hours of work on an assisting day. If you make minimum wage that is about three hours of work. That $21.50 can fill half a gas tank to get you to your job, pay for one-two weeks of public transit, cover the retail cost of a handful of Target tank tops, or maybe cover the cost of an asthma inhaler if you have good insurance.

$21.50 is a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, small jar of jam, two pounds of apples, 5 bananas, a head of lettuce, and a bag of baby carrots which can be lunch for you or your kiddo for a week. $21.50 can be a lot of things more filling or even more useful than three pomegranates, half gallon of fresh squeezed orange juice, and a small heirloom dry farmed watermelon. If I purchased these at my local grocer the poms would be smaller and more expensive and grown who knows where, the juice would not be fresh, and the watermelon would be a mockery of a melon that only looks like one on the outside. At my farmer's market I chatted with the guy who sells two variety of poms and the juice he coaxes out of them, I grabbed the last half gallon of fresh squeezed juice and talked about the excitement of the blood orange juice that appears in January, and I high-fived the guy with the green pick-up truck loaded with those gorgeous seed-full dry farmed watermelon that he grew about thirty-miles away. So much better than three pumpkin-spice lattes or a handful of tank tops from Target. So much better and skewed as not many people have the opportunity to visit a farmer's market or grow their own food. I am very fortunate.

My town often has large 50 gallon drums posted near the doors of our supermarkets. These are for our food bank for you to add to when you shop. If you do not feel up for selecting said food, there are often packed bags you can purchase for $5-$10 that already have food in them. When there are no bags ready, there are cards you can grab at the register for as little as $1. They make it very easy for you to give and I do. Often I will round up my purchase to the next $5 or so dollars, they make it easy and it helps. Sometimes the round-up is under $2 other times I grab a packed bag or two or add a couple pounds of rice and or grains to the drum. The markets in my neighborhood do this year round, not just at Thanksgiving, for which I am grateful. I remember being that family that could use a bag or two of groceries. If you are wondering where your food banks are in your neighborhood click here, it's easy to do and you can manage a week without lattes or acai bowls

Yesterday I spent $21.50 (without batting an eye) on three pomegranates, a half gallon of fresh squeezed orange juice, and a small heirloom dry farmed watermelon.  I feel fortunate that I am able to do so. $21.50 on five items that will expire within days of purchase is a bit steep.  I am very fortunate.

the first cold of the year and already i have cabin fever...

there are 47 birds in this photo...

 Unlike most people who catch colds, I am knocked of my feet and walloped in a BIG way. While most people tend to pretend they are not sick, I need to take to my bed for as much sleep as I can cram, stuff myself silly with vitamin C, and drink hot stuff till I'm tired of peeing all the time. And if yer one of those who carries on at work like you're not actually sick? It's. All. Your. Fault! It is! Stay home, take a sick day, watch hours and hours of Doctor Who, drink the sweetest hottest tea you can stand...just stay home! I caught mine from the mister who carried it home from his work as it has been a very busy work week at his place and everyone has been coming in sick. Blech. Thank goodness I got my flu shot and managed (knock wood) to so far evade the holiday ick that hit everyone at my school.

So here  I am, buried under blankets listening to the birdies (and the neighbor's dog) enjoying the breeze that sneaks in through the window. I have laptop in lap and am positively bored. I don't feel like looking at pinterest, I canceled Netlfix in December, and am on a Facebook hiatus that should be a drop but darn if Candy Crush doesn't keep me there (not that anyone noticed save for you). I'm having an existential crisis in regards to the living me and the online me. If I fade away from Facebook will anybody notice and if nobody notices do I cease to exist at all? I've been feeling this way ever since we returned from our BIG road trip. Most will probably roll their eyes but I am a person who needs friendships validated via letters, email, and phonecalls. Liking a post on Facebook doesn't cut it. I am bummed by the large number of emails, fb messages and voicemails I have left for old friends that have gone unanswered. I've been tending a garden full of drought tolerant plants methinks. Sometimes I think I should drop it all..this blog, flickr, facebook, etc. but then the sad raccoon creeps out and vanity hits and I tether myself again to this thing called social media but fnd myself more often than not depressed by it all. I used to be gung-ho for it. I used to think the internet could cultivate real solid relationships. And it did, it did not long ago but now we are all so used to instant gratification that unless you are a constant you are out of the game. I am aware that we all have our own lives to live and families to raise and be with but if you have time to instagram something you have time to tell an old friend you re thinking of them, do you not?

Eegads...I just had an unsettling thought all wrapped up in ego. Everyday I have moments where I am reminded of people who have wandered through my life. When those moments happen and they are people I can contact, I do (everyday in fact with no reply) if they are not in my life, I try to find them even though I have tried before. I think how lucky I am to have these memories and to have these people in my life and to be honest I want people to think the same of me. Selfish isn't it? Vain? Now I feel like an ass.

Let's chalk it up to cold meds had I been taking any...I just want to say I appreciate you and you and you and here's to 2014, making new friends and saying goodbye to the old.

(This post was not planned in the least. I was going to write about my adventure in attempting a capsule wardrobe but that will have to come later....especially since I have missed two days now to being sick...but I do have three for ya...)

the mind tends to flutter away

at the most inopportune times...as always, there is much I should be doing but less doing than thinking about the doing. sigh. I'm pretty sure this is why I am not a celebrity of any sort. I just daydream about all these ideas I have and truthfully, some of them are quite dreamy, brilliant even but the get up and go to get them going has, like I said, fluttered away...

at least the fluttering is pretty.

the thinks of the week

 I've been thinking a lot this week. Thinking of the pile of books that I should read. Thinking about the time I waste when I get sucked into the pretty on the internet. Thinking about the meals I should cook using up what we have instead of buying anything new. Thinking of ekeing out a small space for an herb garden. Thinking about bringing back my week in review and thinking about absolutely tackling that last pile of boxes that have been sitting in the living room, under the window for the past ten months. Yikes!

Think, think, think.

I've been thinking of how my get up and go seems to have got up and left. I have absolutely no energy to get a move on or ride my pretty bike or even gussy up with a swipe of lipstick. I've been driven batty by the allergies that have outstayed any pretense of a welcome. My face swollen with puffed up sinuses and a confusing kerfuffle with my might-as-well-be-non-existent health insurance.  Even standing outside for twenty minutes as I wrangle toddlers to and fro is enough time for a new invasion of pollen into my system. I wake up loopy, slowly shed the ick, get excited about all I'm going to do once I'm home from school only to find my eyes in droopy-ville on the drive home. Even with all the blinds open and light flooding into the tiny casa I'm out like a light.

All is not despair though. I borrowed the sister a-go-go's waffle iron and filled the freezer with waffles full of slightly less fizzy beer and flax meal. It is also full of coconut milk pancakes, a kale and garlic frittata, two cheesy penne pasta bakes and perhaps a bomb pie or two. The fridge is full of slow cooked bbq pork ribs, taters, and onion and a sister made blueberry peach cobbler. We both decided to cook up extras and swap. It's a nice feeling not having to think of what to make for meals. I still have to whip up a cabbage salad and some cauliflower steaks.

Oh and whoo-hoo for new jeans that almost mostly fit and shoes that I hope work out. The May Bed has been made and I have piles upon piles of projects waiting to be crafted. So, what have you been thinking about? Should I bring back my week in review? Will I ever get that mad pile of boxes cleared out of the casa?

achoo!

 The allergies are still mucking up the brain big time. I can't really fathom what I did this week outside of work at the preschool but I do know my brain has been overflowing with ideas. Ideas that appear to simply float about the noggin in a safe bubble with no need to escape at all. Sigh. I did not craft a single thing up...I did however bake some gingerbread birthday goodness for a sister-a-go-go, so I suppose that is something, right?

I am reading a fabulous book that is so engaging to me it is difficult to put down. It's not your normal kind of read so when I tell people the title they tend to look at me as if to say "Riiiiiight, enjoy your...book?" Anyhow, if you are at all interested in progressive education and/or democratic classrooms, I highly recommend The Discipline of Hope by Herbert Kohl who is, by the way, an amazing writer of quite a few books. While it is awesome and amazing, it makes me very sad and wanting of a kindred spirit to talk to about these ideas and such. And cue another sigh.

Last week I saw The Hunger Games with a group of new gals and while I enjoyed the movie muchly, I really wanted to steal away with all the dresses from District 12. I am a sucker for calico. And since this paragraph seems to be about confessions I have to admit that this week has been all about jordan almonds and bad t.v. I really wish I could have my nose back. This whole not smelling things is a bummer and there is really not much I fancy right now other than salty or sweet and what good is that?

Reading the above makes me feel a smidge hopeless over the integrity of this post. My blog has been lackluster as of late and I'm still trying to figure out if I am through with this business of blogging. Probably not as I really need the validation of any little thing I can get and yet I am quite moody and blue that I have been doing this for a decade and I see my projects and pics reposted all over the web and back and yet I've nothing to show for it. Cue a wee fit as I clench my fists and stomp about in a very whiny way and proceed to sigh. I'm a mess. A sad mess. And I feel so small and childish and churlish and all assortments of other ish and I'm wondering what pics will look pretty and cohesive to this post. Not a clue....not a clue.**

Thank goodness I can still laugh at myself. Thank goodness for that...and bread. Fresh baked crusty bread with melty butter and black pepper on top. No, wait...with butter and homemade jam on top. No...wait...with tomatoes marinated in balsamic, garlic and olive oil on top. Man, I wish I had some crusty bread...

**I went with random pretty. I hope it works...

fuzzy wuzzy

 I've been experiencing a case of bad brain as of late. Not the kind of bad brain where the world is dark and gloomy and not the kind where I'm feeling all failure-like but the kind where my brains has ceased to function. It's all cloudy and fuzzy and I have become forgetful. We can blame it on the weather or maybe my thyroid or perhaps it is the menopause or the extra pounds on my body but I lay blame on all the pollen that has been careening about the pretty air here on both clear days and wet. I have been a bleary-eyed, runny nosed, lethargic, sneezy mess. Ugh, allergies.

I have also been quite forgetful and fuzzy and foggy and a wee bit clueless even. I woke up (almost) bright and early and (almost) ready to go. I (kinda) knew the plan for the day but did any of it get done? Sigh. Not only did I not really accomplish much other than the promised scones to the mister and some dinner prep, I managed to forget the staff meeting that was scheduled for today. I knew it was today, at least, I knew it was to be on March 27. I just...um...forgot today was the 27th. Yeesh!

And here I type something other than what I had wanted to because these darn allergies made me forget what I was going to type. See? It's a trap and I am completely useless...for now. I hope tomorrow will prove to be less fuzzy, less snoofly and more something.

 And it is only Tuesday...uh-oh.

snacky snacks

 I like to make things. Food things. Baked things, cooked things, steeped things. I like the process of chopping, pouring, and measuring. And I really like the part where I take a lovely picture. I'm also quite prone to laziness so that when I'm really ready for a bite but nothing is ready I could easily reach for a bowl of cereal or sneak out to a fast food dungeon. One of the plus sides of living here in SLO is that there are NO drive-thrus. Not a one! And, now that the nose works, I want to take advantage of it (until I lose it again as it is wont to do) and eat good things. So I make sure to hit the market and purchase such things. I still pick up crackers and bread and I still bake (the mister is a major snacker) but so far, I have not hit the cereal or the burger joints, instead I have a snacky lunch. My favorite kind.

A snacky lunch only works when you have the goodness on hand. You want a little sweet, a little crunch, a bit of protein and if you do grains, something whole and nutty. Last week, I was on a pear kick. I would halve a pear, add a handful of pecans, a couple slices of Dubliner cheese and two hard-boiled eggs with cracked pepper. Delicious! Yesterday I had a particularly delightful snacky snack of aged gouda, an apple, handful of walnuts, handful of multi-grain crackers, a slice of poached chicken and a wee square of delicious chocolate. So good! I also discovered that there are not too many of you out there who like walnuts. Interesting. I am so grateful I can eat nuts.

Earlier this week I baked a batch of Valentine's cake-mix cookies. They were fun, smelled crazy sweet and posed quite nicely for pictures. I ate one and was knocked over by the sweet. I'm not sure I mean that in a good way. Mister comes home and sees the cookies and partakes and then partakes some more all the while I holler at him to pace himself. I ate another one yesterday and I think I need to throw them away. They aren't awful but if yer gonna have temptation around, make sure it is worthwhile. They are perfect cookies for a group of kiddos who will demolish them in one sitting but not so Methinks I'm still dosed with a bit of grogginess. Here's to hoping I wake up...

simple things

 At this moment right now, this early morning moment before I head out the door to hang out with kiddos, I am enjoying a cup (thermos, actually) of jasmine green tea. I generally drink green tea in the morning but so rarely do I get to enjoy it. The enjoyment comes from the experience of its scent. When you have a sniffer that plays drama queen you spend more time not tasting anything than enjoying simple levels of flavors and the nuances that scent brings to the table. A hot cup of tea is a hot beverage but a hot cup of tea combined with a sniffer is an experience. There is fragrance and floral and honey notes and green. It is a most lovely experience and I take full advantage of it. I hold the thermos (or cup) up to my face and gently inhale that most lovely loveliness (eyes closed for best effect of course). The blossoms immediately dance into my head, followed by that green, green, green march, ending with a kick of sweet from the honey the mister added for me. And each time I thank my nose, modern medicine and the invention of tea as I sit back to sip, sip, sip away the morning.

I'm also just plowed through two tiny satsumas. The oil from their peels still coats my hands as I type causing small clouds of citrus to puff up around me. The power of scent is not a trivial thing. I hope I can hold onto this super power for a while. The cold that hit me before Christmas seems to finally have decided to move out. I broke down and dosed myself with some powerfully evil medicines. Being able to smell again is a trade off I am willing to gamble with. There is a powerful silence that follows you when you cannot smell anything. I'm not talking stuffy nosed nonsense. I'm talking a true lack of scent. It makes waking up from sleep difficult. It makes the darkness darker and it ruins any enjoyment of simple food. When your nose doesn't work, you lose your ability to truly taste things so you (or me at least) reach for the things that will flavor through. Garlic does not do it, but salt does. A salad with garden fresh herbs won't do but a healthy snowing of cheese on top will. Starchy foods, salty foods all barrel through but they offer no true sustenance or joy. This week, since the sniffer has kicked in I have actually tasted the lemon in my water, the rosemary in my dinner and the jasmine in my tea. Just the awareness of the flavors has me slowing down and slow is a good thing.

Traffic is speeding up on HWY 1 behind the tiny casa. The wind machine at the college is still spinning its ferocious hum and our upstairs neighbor appears to be late for school (man that stompy guy sure can stomp around). I'm almost finished with my tea and the tangerines are done for. It's time for shoes and primping and the looking forward to an afternoon smoothie that I can actually taste!

whoosh!

view this morning

 The wind is blowing something fierce outside. Has been since last night. There is a taller than tall duo of palm trees that clack about just above the tiny apartment building we live in. Add the carob (we think) tree and it's sadly weakened branches (it's not a healthy tree) and you get quite a symphony of clackity clacks and whooshie, blithery bits. And of course now, NOW that I am typing this, the wind is suspiciously quiet (like children when they are up to something). Makes me nervous. At least when it is still I can exit the tiny casa without fear of a palm frond induced concussion.

fronds everywhere!

I have been saturating myself with Christmas music these past few days. I'm sure our upstairs neighbor is delighted (he prefers the bass-y woof of techno, it's the soundtrack to his video game). I don;t listen too loudly, having grown up in a home on the third floor, I learned how to live consciously around others. Though at the old tiny casa, you might have disagreed but my neighbors there weren't others, they were more like family so got to witness all the bad habits, we ALL had them and shared.

dilly cup contents

I'm still finishing up shop stuff; gotta wrap and photograph my goods. Yesterday, I semi-cleared off the kitchen table to use as a workspace for threading on needlebook tags to my cups of dilly. Today, the threading on will commence, as well as more photos of gingham fat quarter packs and if I am really on it, some vintage items. Honestly though, I have brownies on the brain, along with the December Bed and ideas of enormous newspaper mistletoe, bows or log cabin squares. I also have to work on some book reviews that really, really need to get finished (but I have misplaced the cheesecloth which is yes, needed for one of the reviews) not to forget another diy project for this here bloggo and some others for the 'do. But, as always, when there is much to do I am done in by blogs or Pinterest or an imagined grocery list. Does this happen to you? Today is a day off from other jobs so I really need to buckle down. Periodically I will wag my finger at myself and say (outloud even, in a voice not unlike Superintendent Chalmers)

JESSICA!

And then I shake my head to clear the haze, get a swig of water and run around like a mad woman doing odd chores such as sweeping the bathroom floor, laundry, folding tissue paper or reorganizing my closet, thus, ignoring the mad pile of fabric in a heap on the living room floor or the (still) unpacked boxes of craft c(r)ap that block the sunlight from filtering in through the front window.

SIGH.

Okay so, here's the plan and please call me on it, check up on me and wag a finger if you must. I will eat some breakfast other than the apple I finished off two hours ago. I will process my cold brewed coffee and get it into its happy glass pitcher so that I may enjoy it. I will get the tags threaded onto the cups and final photographs edited. I will bake something from a mix like scones or brownies. I will make sure to actually eat lunch (and it won't be cereal) and I will cook up the darned cauliflower that has been camping out in the fridge for too long. Tonight we will have indian food for dinner! What else? Um...I will hit up the market for some fish (there is a 1pm special on salmon I should take advantage of) and while I am out I will pick up cash (no credit card shopping allowed), put gas in the car (poor Rodney has been a bit hungry these past few days), do a store return and be home by 3pm to finish up crafty bits. Oh and I will find that cheesecloth! You got that? I'll take pictures to prove productivity.

*eat

*coffee

*bake

*tags

*photos

*market

*bank

*gas

*home by 3pm

*cheescloth

*dinner...CAULIFLOWER CURRY!

I can manage that, right?

Confession?

This week has been a doozy of dooze and gloom and ick. If I were any other person, any other type of person it would probably be a normal or fine sort of week. I am not, however, a different sort of person and I feel ick and ack and doom and gloom and am ready to turn all cartoon-ostrich on you and hide out in the sand.

I want to expound upon this idea of tuning in and tell you to apply it to your whole self, body AND mind. My mind is in conflict and I know myself and I think I know how others perceive me even those parts of me where I try, try, try to convey my honest intentions. I know that my feelings, my self as I am, conflict with pretty much everyone around me and I'm trying to wrap it all around myself. How do I stand tall, chin up and proud to be who I am when people around me, strangers, friends and family begin with the eye rolls and cough-snorts and such? I'm tuning in and I am flagging...losing confidence in so much it simply sucks.

I had wanted to write something funny and witty and poke fun at myself (I even scratched out a mini post on a torn sheet of paper last night that is still camping out in my back pocket) but for now, I'm just airing out my laundry and thinking I might take a nap or not, I don't know. But think about tuning in and knowing your mind or your presence of mind. Know what is important to you and what you will settle for and what you won't. Surround yourself with people who will support you even when they don't agree or at least get one person to cheer for you. I could do with one person, that would be nice (mr. a-go-go you are sweller than swell).

I think I'll blame the song in my head. The song in my head is my song, it's got a wonky beat and sometimes skips and cracks (it may even be stuck right now). You don't have to like my song but it would be kinda nice to know that you can hear it and pick out its wonky beat. So yeah, blabbering again but only you know your true heart and intention which is a pretty scary thing when you narrow it down and reflect on it. At least to me it is. I want so much to be understood and accepted but still I feel like I skirt the edges of normal or, at least societal norm. I understand that most people can float along, skip or dance to the loudest song that is playing. I want to be like that. I really do. I'm just....not. It's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of feelings. I'm so knotted up kerfungled I can't quite explain myself. For crikes sake, maybe if I whine enough I can start laughing at myself. A healthy dose of humor usually helps...and cookies. Cookies work as well. Peanut butter cookies.

Soooooooo...in a nutshell, my name is Jessica and I am an over-sensitive basket-case with a penchant for peanut butter cookies and over-thinking simple things. What's your name?

Dizzy with Distraction

Somehow I have managed to become inundated with due dates. I have articles and guest posts and shop updates all due, due, due and what do I do? I get distracted by the birdies in the garden (of which there are many).

Not only am I enamored with the love story of Gomez and Peg, there is a wee bushtit hop, hop, popping all over the place with his happy gray feathers and ultra cool top-knot and more than a dozen gold finches peep-peeping their way through sock after sock filled to the brim with happy seeds.

We also have an acorn woodpecker who has taken to thieving large seeds from Peg's Place. He hollers and whoops as he swoops upon the linnets who scatter this way and that and then he dashes into the birdhouse (feeder) only pausing to tilt his head my way with a cross-eyed stare. Then he quickly grabs a beak-full of goodness, swoops back up to his perch on the telephone pole where he swirls around the pole stuffing his thieved booty into the holes he previously pecked. Distracted, I tell ya!

Distracting me even more are the books. THE BOOKS! Thank goodness for libraries. I serendipitously received two holds I have been (only-semi) anxiously waiting for since March and now, NOW they are in my hot chubby hands and it is all I can do not to forgo sleep (and I really like sleep) to read, read, read them.

And before you think me even dorkier than before I will not mention the lateness of my next Netflix DVD which involves a certain Doctor. Ahem.

Happy weekend everyone!**

 **pics are just some peeks into the week. some craftiness, gomez, dinner & a wip.

working on a shop update

Took far too many photos today but at least they are pretty and make me smile. There is a kitty on my lap and I am drinking some leftover coffee with cocoa in it. That may be more information than you care to know. The nephew a-go-go is still on spring break so today involved a lazy recovery from the weekend. We watched Doctor Who,  sampled micro-greens, discussed Godzilla and learned the definitions of conglomerate and paradox. Have you ever tried explaining the meaning of paradox to an eight year old? To anyone? Go ahead, I kinda dare you (though I won't double-dog dare you). Oh and just to prove to you how extraordinarely dorky I am, we a-go-gos are quite excited for the return of Peg. And....she has brought a boyfriend home. We call him Gomez. Here's a sneak peek for the shoppity shop...

i think i need a push start

like an old, tired car i need a push. i can get going once that happens. i hope. the wind is kicking up something fierce here which makes for perfect allergy transference. darn wind. I cough, i hack, i wheeze and then i wheeze some more and i get so, so, so tired. i'm awake, and have been but i'm not AWAKE.

and it is going to be a purty day. the mister is home, the birdies are out, i got myself into a dress and am not hating it but the feet are dragging, the eyes are sleepy, the head is stuffy and the ears (or, ear. my right ear specifically) are throbbing. aren't i fun to be around? it would be lovely to take a bike ride but for the wind and the pollen. i'm really NOT a fan of the pollen. in fact, i am downright fearful of the pollen. once it gets in, there is no escape.

so what do i do? i have MUCH to do for something up-and-coming-and-super-top-secret right now. i suppose i should get to that or should i attach myself to the inhaler and curl up with a reread so i can be ready for this book when my turn in the library queue pops up or should i declare today a lazy day and curl up with a smoothie, the inhaler and watch this?

i think i will get to at least one of things from my up-and-coming-super-top-secret project and then check in with the mister to see what he wants to do. our original plan was to adventure out before the sun for a two hour drive but the temps where we were planning to head to were a bit too chilly for us (southern california natives). we do need to look for a place to live, there is that. i hate looking at rentals. ick. this is such a disorganized post. double ick. i keeping yawning. sigh. at least i was productive yesterday working on things for my up-and-coming-super-top-secret project.

okay, i have decided. i will work on one thing for my uacssp, call a listing or two, have lunch with the mister and make plans for a sunset adventure. tomorrow we will tackle a bike-ride as long as the mister's bike is working. he's working on it right now. and we will venture out into the little town for open house festivities of rodeos, livestock and free ice cream. there. it is done. phew!