Monday, February 13, 2012

i'm in need of a nap

 My brother is officially out of the CCU! So happy and relieved. Now that the meds are slip, slipping out of his system this new part of the journey is going to be a doozy. Nobody likes a hospital, at least not as a patient and especially my brother. Today was a roller coaster of yays and uh-ohs. He is s l o w l y recovering but still loopy from the meds. He has moments of clarity and assertiveness and then more moments of confusion and obstinance. I had to forcefully restrain him from getting out of his bed while we rallied up a nurse or two to do it in a more official way. He was quite unhappy with me and that was hard, not in a "poor me" kind of way but more in a...oh...I can't really explain it but roller coaster works for now. We had a small crowd at one point today and managed to offer up a few laughs. His personality is there and pushing to the front of his consciousness and with time and rest I am certain he will be walking out the door but first we have to ease him up and out and he is not a guy who eases...if today is any indication, he is going to give the entire floor staff an experience.

Today I almost, almost fell asleep sitting in my brother's new room as he slept soundly beside me. It rained today and the view out the window was quite pretty. My body is tired and my brain is fuzzy and I am certain I am forgetting to call people and eat and keep hydrated. I am so sleepy and full of so many emotions...all those residual memories of other hospital visits and traumas and near misses and tragedies. I am trying to remember to take care of myself and admit that it is okay to want to flee and return to my tiny cluttered casa full of fabric bits and unswept floors. It will happen soon enough and until then I need to embrace normalness. It's okay to eat a treat, read a book, play on pinterest or laugh with friends. It doesn't take away from caring for my brother or myself or the mister. With any luck and good thoughts, I will manage a nap, a hug and maybe, just maybe, finally get that coke I've been craving. Thank you again for your words of support and encouragement. I'm going to post a pretty picture just because and maybe tomorrow I can write about something less exciting.


  1. smiling for you and your family! and wishing you a good visit from the sandman as soon as you are able to rest your pretty head!
    keeping you in my thoughts and wishing for continued healing!!!

  2. That is good news Jek! Its great that he has such a supportive sister in you :)