oh, the snootiness inside me

Yesterday at the thrift store I watched a very young mother scold her very young child (about four) for spilling his crackly bag of red hot cheetohs all over the floor. He apologized and said it was "a accident" and she continued to scold as she swept the glaringly red snack food under the clothing rack with her right foot. I was flabbergasted. I probably shouldn't have been but I was. In my snoot, snoot, snooty head I glared and reprimanded. There were too many things I thought wrong with the whole scene and I thought what good is she teaching this child?

I thought back to my preschool years and I remember knocking over products at the grocery store much to my mother's chagrin and then picking up said products under her watchful yet unscolding eye. I remember accompanying her to the fabric sore (which I abhorred) and running around and hiding in the fabric racks until she'd yank me out by the arm, sit me down at the pattern book table and ask me to pick out a new dress pattern. I know how difficult it can be shopping with children. How taxing, really. Grocery shopping about did me in so I am not so snooty that I judge her for sitting the kiddo down in the back of the cart with a crackly bag of processed snack food (I myself am quite partial to the orange puffs). I do however hold it against her for sweeping those red crunchy bits slightly under the racks so that others can stomp on them. One, it shows no accountability, two, it loses out on a teachable moment and three, it leaves a mess for the staff to pick up...then again...the mister and I once stumbled upon something much more awful sitting on the floor in the middle of an aisle at a thrift store we will never frequent again.

*I want things like this not to be acceptable or shrugged off. In a nutshell it might not seem like a big deal but in the bigger picture it simply leads to more sloppiness.It lends itself to the many things that are wrong with the world (think about not picking up the wrapper you just walked by because YOU didn't drop it there). Bad examples are set, a lack of caring is put forth and I think it goes hand in hand with morals and all that jazz. Where does it go before others think it is a BIG deal. Why not begin with an internal measure of how you want to be perceived or how you want the world to work? Sure, there are exceptions (lots of exceptions) and things don't always work out the way you want them to but to show a lack in caring or an obliviousness that the behavior is not normal is sad and startling. I liken this to the "good job" debate and children expecting gold stars at every turn, to employees expecting the highest rating on their reviews for simply doing their job and for internet sales people expecting 5 stars for sending you their product as they should. It's about treating people with kindness because you are kind. My thoughts are coming out very clear here and I understand that many of you will think me most snooty but these are the things I think about as I observe the discontent of the world around me.

stitching

we've had a bit of rain...all weekend. if i can separate my thoughts from thinking of Japan and its people, i can think of the rain and how i do enjoy it. my thoughts have been troubled and full of grief for all those touched by the earthquake. i wake up in the middle of the night feeling chilled and burrow deep into the covers until i feel warm and i think how grateful i am to make warmth for myself and my heart aches a little more for those who cannot. i awake in the middle of the night or early morning with the familiar itch and tightness of an asthma attack and i think of those who cannot breathe as i gratefully take my inhaler. this is how it is. we move on, and forward, we're either touched or we're not. it isn't a bad thing to move on with your life. it is a necessary thing. moving forward is pretty much the only way to go. time does not stand still, the earth turns, the sun sets and we step forward how we will. what we can do is choose how we move forward. no matter how little or how much we have, we can choose to move forward with purpose and grace, with hope and with sorrow, with compassion and with empathy. we can take baby steps, we can stride, we can soar. we can put more effort into our own personal interactions. we can give. we can go without. we can take a day or two or four to not move forward, to grieve or to wallow but we must also know at some point the covers need to be laundered, the windows opened and the grit from our eyes rinsed away. taking time to absorb, ponder and work through our feelings is moving forward, even when you feel like you are falling backwards.

as long as there is genuine love in your heart, in your soul...genuine love and joy for simple things and grand things...genuine love for yourself and your family, your steps forward will touch others as theirs will touch more and we will find that our love and goodness can indeed be stitched together, creating a quilt of kindness to wrap ourselves with and find warmth.

bluesy bluesy blues

as usual, i had a plan. i wanted to dazzle the internet and blog world with stellar handmade ideas and crazy-easy handmade projects. i have lists here, there and everywhere. some are written in pencil, some written in ink. red ink, blue ink, even a little purple is floating about. i have oodles of half-finished projects taking up space in the homestead a-go-go, it is as if a jek disaster has trickled through the house...or barrelled through. all sorts of crafty debris has lava-d itself in every nook and cranny and you would think that with all this busyness and making i would be inspired and happy to finish but i am not.

my heart is breaking. my not-so-old witch-baby (aka cat) is in liver failure and we don't know why. the vets recommend a biopsy but why would i put her through all that when all it would do would be prolonging an unhealthy life. she of the hissy-fits and cricket chattering who loves broccoli is not herself. she usually settles herself on your lap purr-purr-purring away until she decides she wants to move and so with a meowrl and nip she prances off only to return moments later as if you didn't just break up.  she who sleeps with paws outstretched as if she is flying through the air is curled up in an immovable ball. she hasn't had water or food or moved for almost two days. she doesn't look up and greet when you approach. there or no birp-chirps or nose licks or purrs. her rabbit coat is not so shiny and the fur on her spine is old cat cowlicked. my heart is breaking, all of ours are. we don't know what to do. what to do?

and because i am a pisces and prone to dramatics i am wondering why this week is so stupidly awful. my body aches and feels out of sorts and i have a blue feeling, a melancholy heart and i can't think (or couldn't think) of a reason but then i spied the calendar and realized that my body knew what my brain did not, this weeks marks the eleventh anniversary of my mother's death. eleven years is a long time i know. last year, i actually fared better. this year however it has come full circle. the days of the week are all lined up and match like they did that awful week before she died. so there is an ick, a heavy ick all knotted up where my heart should be and instead of a steady beat there is a twisty-tango all jumbled up and screech, screech, screeching its song. i am sad. i am heartbroken.