it's tuesday, why not be random?

 my polyp is back in a most frustrating manner. it makes me feel all sorts of sad racoony. i am adult and yet i am constantly sniffling through my days like a toddler with a cold. how can i feel confidant when i am always embarrassed by the snurfliness? and yes, sometimes i do cram a bit of tissue up the nose to keep it from dripping...only when no one else is around though i fear i will forget and head out to run errands. then i will be THAT kind of crazy lady, the one with a wad of white tissue hanging out of her nose.

there are ants in our microwave. there are ants IN our microwave. how does that happen?

the fridge quit at he homestead and we managed to cram three ice chests full of perishables into our wonky fridge. now we're trying to create meals with things that MUST BE EATEN. tonight dinner will be pan fried salmon and salad. this reminds me to not buy too much and to really use what we have.

there is a trio of bluejays sneaking around the tiny casa stealing my sunflower seeds and making all kinds of a racket. and i love every moment of it.

moonrise kingdom! moonrise. kingdom.

today i began my day NOT in red, white or blue. i did change once i got home from work and now i am doing laundry.

i hate washing plastic food containers. when i was a teenager, i hated washing silverware.

i misplaced my jello hat and for the last few days i was driving myself crazy looking for it. i just now found it. it's on billy's head underneath the custom mouse ears the danny-boy made for me. i would probably lose my head if it were not attached.

on wednesdays, i watch tv at the homestead. we do not have a television but we do have internet. right now i am watching So You Think You Can Dance. in the spring i watch America's Next Top Model. i also talk at the television the whole time.

a few weeks ago i finally got through that mad pile of boxes and the living room and most of the casa looked good and clean. now, every surface is piled with stuff. alphabet blocks, tissue boxes, tin trays, cameras....

the mister and i watched this documentary a few days ago. it made me cover my eyes and cry. my heart ached so much and then i got angry and cried some more.

i have not had a sodee pop in ten days! no fizz water either. but there has been coffee and right now i have an ENORMOUS headache.

i bought a plastic orange and yellow rug from Cost Plus. i thought it would break up the swath of icky gray carpet in the livingroom. i'm not sure it was a good idea.

one of the arms broke off of my bronzed eyeglasses so today i am wearing my blue cats eyes which might be why i am having an ENORMOUS headache.

i have been craving a bordeaux for a few weeks now. they were my mamos' favorite.

oops, i have to get the laundry now and make dinner and fix this headache and remove this puff o' tissue from the nose before i venture out...cheers!

lickety split!

 I'm a bit of a book fiend. Most specifically chidlren's books. My book wishlist is enormously LONG and well I can sit for quite a while at the library soaking in all those picture books. So it is pretty safe to say if I had the chance I would probably buy far too many picture books.

The crazy thing is, recently I was gifted with a handful of Amazon cards (from more than one person, thank you kind friends!) and I did not purchased a single children's book. I purchased all of two titles, both educational and the rest of the fun funds went to an assortment of not-so-needful things such as this and this and this.

The rest (plus my rewards dollars) went to an ice pop maker, this ice pop maker and no, they are not sponsoring this post, I'm simply in lurve with this ice pop maker. So much so that I shelled out moolah for extra sticks and a storage case and I have been whipping up ice pops like crazy. I have even checked out some recipe books from the library. Which now I think I may need to purchase. This one and this one....so fabulous!

ready and waiting...

I picked up the duu set as it was on sale and I figure with just me and the mister two was all we needed at one time. But summer here has been warm and who wants to wait 15 minutes for a popsicle? So I shelled out for the storage case and while it all totaled up stupidly, I have to say it was/is worth it. So far, I've only poured in what we've head on hand but I'm quite ready and excited to work on some recipes from t he books.

time to freeze

  The maker takes a little bit more time than it states. Even with it super cold but that's okay, I pop the whole dealio back into the freezer for the time being. I also use a liquid measuring cup to pour my liquid in, otherwise it gets all sloppy-slooshy alll over the place. The drip guards only marginally work, melty sweet still oozes through the seams but for the most part, your hands remain sticky-free (wrap a napkin around the handle, just in case). And if you want to make a soda ice pop, be warned, it fizzes up like crazy. It still freezes and actually makes an interesting airy pop but I think I will reserve soda ice pops for flat soda.

l-r ruby cherry, cranberry, coffee

 So here in the casa, we have ice pops and at the homestead we make slushies. So far this summer has been sweet!
 

i don't know why but i woke up this morning feeling melancholy.

and so i sat in the pre-7am light, looking at the grey sky, hoping for rain. I bundled up in the couch quilt with my morning yogurt and felt an inward reflection. i wasn't feeling sad, just melancholy. and i thought about the person i was/am versus the person i want to be. and then i got teary as my heart felt tired and broke down. and i thought of three things.

there are three things that truly make me feel heartache. three things that broke my heart.

*the death of my mother. i was 28 years old when she died. she was 58 and just, just, just stepping out of the darkness that trapped her or twenty-five plus years. she never got to find the community that the internet could have given her. she never fully felt loved and unalone.  she was absolutely the most creative person i have ever known. it fills me, over fills me really that she did not get to meet the mister and his family. i believe she would have found a heart-home in them.

*my infertility. it simply kills me with heartache. i feel undefined as a childless person and oftentimes invisible. i feel that all my education regarding young children is not valid to people with children. that i actually know nothing and yet i know. i know.

*i stopped dancing. i loved dancing. loved it. every song i hear fills my head with movement and steps. every beat that tags me has me turning and stepping and sweeping m arms. i stopped dancing and i only halfway know why. i was young, i was foolishly involved with an abusive partner who's damage still lingers like a cloudy aura blocking out other colors. i tried to return. i was later involved with another partner who encouraged me to dance. i enrolled in a class and it was a disaster. the instructor was awful and the students, dance majors were clicky and unkind. i fled from that first class and sat in my car sobbing at the ridiculous notion that i could dance. i never returned to dance. i may point my toes and twirl a round or two in the safety of the tiny casa (only when i am alone though, i won't even do it in front of the mister) and i watch old movies, new movies, youtube videos and television shows. the watching at once makes me catch my breath and tear up in the moment full of joy and then later, when i am alone, i tear up all over again thinking of the road not traveled.


 there are three things that make my heart weep. three things...profound. two out of my control, one fully in my control and i'm trying to brave it up make friends with it and to try again in the smallest of small steps.

summer thrift

 Okay so even though I got all hi-falooten' about buying less and how I've moved on from the frenzied thrift shopping of my not-so-distant youth, I still hit up a few thrifts every now and then. The town I live in has a Goodwill (the one I once worked at), a Goodwill Outlet and three other smaller thrift stores available for my perusal. My favorite to peruse is the outlet aka The Bins as its chaotic piles and bins sing to my magpie heart.

aren't all those prints pretty?

I know I can find some crafty use for these.

totally unnecessary but so nifty!

 As I have mentioned in one of my previous posts, I've curbed much of my thrifty consumption. In fact, I only head out to the thrift when there is a specific need (save for the occassional Wednesday when I do not have work and I can head thirty miles south to my favorite thriftstore for their 50% off day). The last time I went I was hoping to find a pair of jeans or two of a different denim than the pile I had accumulated here in the tiny casa. While I did indeed find some jeans. I also found a vintage Christmas tablecloth, fun old potholders, two fabric samples, one holiday wall hanging, two shabby chic pillowcases, a box of vintage paints, a rag rug, an ice bucket, a bucket of perler beads that is about 2/3 full and vintage-ish globe! All of this totaled under $20!

The ice bucket will hopefully be used to house our compostable waste. The lid fits snugly and the handle will make it easy to carry out and dump. All we need is a space for a compost pile, a garden and permission from our landlords for it all.

A George F. Cram Globe

The globe made me dash across the warehouse and inspect he other customers to make sure it didn't already have dibs on. I'm not sure how old it is but it's pre-1991 at least as it still had East Germany and West Germany on it as well as Burma and The Soviet Union, etc.

I just picked up the blue case..a set!

 I think I paid a dollar for the globe. The jeans cost more as they are sold by weight along with the pillowcases which are super duper soft. So really, it was a good trip...don't ya think?

diy: chair leg cozies from doilies

 The mister and I have been living in the new tiny casa for almost a year now. In fact, we just renewed our lease for another year so I suppose we're staying for the time being. One of my favorite things about the tiny casa is the black and white checkered floor in the kitchen and hall. One of my least favorite things about the tiny casa is the sound of the table and chair legs as they SCREECH across that happy black and white checkered floor.

For the past eleven months I have been meaning to get some felt upon the bottoms of those chair and table legs but so far I have yet to do it. Then, I spotted a nifty hand knit chair leg cozie somewhere on the internet. I wish I could find it again, after a search I found many but not the the one I first saw. Hmmmm. I loved the idea but since I cannot knit or crochet I tucked it away in the back of my noggin.

Eventually, the idea made its way to the front of my noggin and I came up with this project after uncovering my happy pile of thrifted doilies. Now, you too, of the fiber arts impaired can whip up a batch for your table and chairs (as long as you have some rectangular doily placemats).

*1 rectangular/squarish  doily

*oodles of pins

*scissors

*sewing machine

*measuring tape

I have a bundle of crocheted table runners and placemats in my stash. I have even more of the circular sort but sadly could not come up with a decent conversion with those, so rectangular it was. I also had to use two different pieces to accommodate all the legs I had to cover but that's okay since I think the variety kicks things up a bit. If only I had some in other colors or the patience to dip dye or something. All you need to do is fold your placemat in half width-wise and pin heavily into place.

To begin, stitch the open side of your folded crocheted piece using a small zig-zag stitch. You may wish to get all matchy-matchy with your thread unlike me who is lazy and uses whatever is in the machine. If your doily is proving to be stubborn and not budging under the foot of your machine, try pinning the piece to a sheet of wax paper. This only helps a little but can give you something to hold onto as you gently tug the whole shebang through your machine. If you are a fancy-pants stitcher you probably have the know-how to remedy this without the wax paper. You also are probably an accomplished yarnster and have no need to follow along with my wonky humble tutorial here so just go back to your awesome granny squares (yes, I'm jealous).

 

Measure your table/chair leg and add 1/4" to the measurement (if your leg is squarish, if your leg is round, cut your measurement in half and then add the 1/4"). Measure out your measurement from the zig-zagging you just did and zig-zag some more. Move your doily over one sewing foot away from the edge you just stitched and begin another zig-zaggy run. Repeat, removing pins as you go, until you have all the channels you need or your doily runs out. Don't forget to move a sewing foot away from each channel otherwise you will go to cut and realize you do not have enough cozies. Trust me on this...I learned the hard way.

 

Carefully cut in between the channels you made. Cut as close as you can to the stitches without cutting any threads. If you planned this right, you should have as many little pockets as you intended.

 

 

 

 

Turn those pockets inside out and cross your fingers they will fit your table/chair legs. If you find your cozies are a wee bit too big, use a small piece of double stick tape to anchor them to your legs.

 

 Ta-da! No more marky-marks or screechy-screeching across my happy black and white checkered floor!

things i'm afraid to tell you...

 Have you happened upon this meme of sorts yet? I'm a bit conflicted about it all. I think it is great that there is now a big conversation going on about authenticity but also irked that the big time bloggers have picked it up as I like to think that this whole blogging authentically is for us not so big time bloggers. Does that make sense?

You've heard it all before how I get ranty and whiney about not being a pretty blogger (pretty meaning popular, not looky looky though that is often times questionable as well). About how I really wanna be up there in the big leagues and have folk wanna sponsor me and all that jazz but I fear it's not in the cards for me as I'm a non-knitting, non-home owning, infertile broke blogger who is also a bit on the chubby side (ok fine...fat). Eegads, I hope you read this with my voice in place...a smidge sarcastic with a chuckle and an eyeroll thrown in both at myself and the hullabaloo.

I do appreciate the big-wigs dialoguing about this as it is important and well, I am a fan of the big wigs as well, even if they probably wouldn't pick me to be on their volleyball team (softball, soccer...it's all the same which by-the-way, I probably wouldn't pick me as I'm not exactly the most sporty but I do make up for it with team spirit and penmanship*.) I really do applaud the big steps these wonderful bloggers are taking in their approach to authenticity. It is important and it adds community to the mix. I'm all about community.

Buuuuuut I also feel like Hey, that's my thing, my niche, I've been doing it from the get-go...

 Sigh. I can't seem to find my footing, even after a decade of blogging I'm still behind even when I'm ahead and I've been working really hard on being okay with that. See, I never sat back to think about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I don't know why I never did that, I have an idea (it involves growing up with a depressed parent compounded with a crippling self-esteem that is also peppered with bouts of an inflated ego) but I do know that now my adulthood is in full bloom, which has me  scrambling to still figure out. So many ships have sailed and I feel like my options are smaller than small. One of those options seemed like it could work and that was writing/blogging but it isn't and I only kinda sorta have an idea as to why. I'm afraid that I kinda suck at being an adult and that everyone else knows it but me. I'm afraid that my ranty rants and questions only make me look desperate and bitter thus chasing away opportunities be they work or friend related. Even writing that last sentence out has me worried I'm bumbling things up.

It's like a catch 22. The big time bloggers have nothing to lose by admitting their fears (that said, click on the link up there and have a read, it is all very interesting and does make you feel closer. It was nice to get a more realistic idea of how other bloggers feel and it was nice to know that they really are not that different than I am). It will only bring them closer to their readers; but us small time bloggers have much to lose as any readership we're trying to build may click away to another blog once we expose too much of ourselves. I've always put myself out there and lately I've realized that this is indeed my niche. I don't have a monopoly on it, not at all but it is where I think I am authentic. Sure I craft, I cook, I bake and I write all about it, I take decent photos and know a few bigger bloggers but ultimately, I'm the girl who bares it all. The wallflower who wants to dance, the pen-pal who wants pen-pals and the grow-up who still feels like an awkward seventh grader. I'm the girl who has lived a very full life even without home owning and children. I'm the girl who gets thank you emails and hate you emails from her readers every once in awhile and that's okay, good even. I'm just me, jek in the box who is ever so slowly inching her way out of said box...ranty rants, eegads, yikes and all. I sincerely hope you don't click away and that someday you'll give me a shout out, you never know, we could be the best of friends (how are yer jumping skills?).

*did I ever tell you about the junior high flag football dealio and the penmanship quote? I'll have to get to that someday...soon.