Tired of being sad and tired...

So here's something pretty to look at....

no week in review

Please accept my apologies for stepping outside of the scrumdilly world to blather on about something so personal as this. I have another blog I use for this stuff but I thought I would explain a smidge why I have been out of sorts...

I'm still too angry and heartbroken to step outside of myself and be the happy jek that everyone smiles at. Pictures were taken thankfully in some ways because of the auto-pilot but inside, sorrow coursed through me. This loss of sorts, this intangible far reaching loss hurts. I hurt. I'm still physically taken aback at how much "it" hurt in real time let alone all the mind junk I'm going through. For three years we tried...in the world of DES it seems I won the lottery. Even if I was the sort of person who would pursue infertility treatments, my home base, my parts have very little, very very little chance of performing. The tubes are blocked with a capital B and the shape is all T-shaped and to top it all off, my uterus is abnormally small. So now I get to worry that I might actually conceive because it will most probably be ectopic and if it isn't I will most likely miscarry. how do I sort this out? I am sad. Simply sad.

breathing room

I am on automatic pilot.

Silent. Automatic. Breathe. Shut down. Grief. Immeasurable. Empty. Angry. Me.

the week in review: june 30-july 6

Oh wow but it was a zinger of a week. It was non-stop goings ons. There was the long long drive to the beach with the kidlets. A lot of sand and sassy gulls. I taught an art session on Andy Warhol and we made some "Pop Art". I had school and my presentation to do and a lot of reading for class to finish up. The tomatoes in the garden are finally, finally ready to chomp on and the mister & I lunched on them all weekend. For the fourth we hit a BBQ at a friend's and swam ourselves silly. I also stole away with an entire hat full of tiny tart green plums. The weekend was kicked off with a birthday adventure for the mama a-go-go. We all took the subway and then the shuttle to the Hollywood Bowl for some Looney Tune fun. And...finally, yesterday was a slow, hot ans semi-icky day of cleaning, crafting and school work. Phew!

This week will be a little more or less of the same. I have a research paper due tomorrow..TOMORROW! Eeps and today I am having a less than thrilling and yet sort of exciting but not really adventure in radiology. A much needed test/exam is happening and I am antsy and nervous and fearful and ready to finally get it done. Wish me luck and if any of you have had an HSG, send me some good vibage, okee doke? Happy July!

plumby goodness

We spent the holiday swimming at a friend's house. Over the pool was a canopy of small green plumbs spilling forth from a lovely japanese plumb tree. I got my hat and gathered oodles of the wee juicy tart fruit. What shall I make? I'm thinking maybe a little chutney, maybe a smidge of jam, perhaps a tart or clafouti, a small batch of simple syrup and of course a bowlful to eat as is.

I hope your weekend is a most lovely one spent. We're heading out to the Hollywood bowl for some Bugs Bunny and birthday shenanigans for the mama a-go-go.

Happy 4th of July!

May your bellies fill with fruity goodness, your hands get popsicle-sticky sweet and your laughter ring out like a bell! Have a wonderful day and be safe!