no week in review

Please accept my apologies for stepping outside of the scrumdilly world to blather on about something so personal as this. I have another blog I use for this stuff but I thought I would explain a smidge why I have been out of sorts...

I'm still too angry and heartbroken to step outside of myself and be the happy jek that everyone smiles at. Pictures were taken thankfully in some ways because of the auto-pilot but inside, sorrow coursed through me. This loss of sorts, this intangible far reaching loss hurts. I hurt. I'm still physically taken aback at how much "it" hurt in real time let alone all the mind junk I'm going through. For three years we tried...in the world of DES it seems I won the lottery. Even if I was the sort of person who would pursue infertility treatments, my home base, my parts have very little, very very little chance of performing. The tubes are blocked with a capital B and the shape is all T-shaped and to top it all off, my uterus is abnormally small. So now I get to worry that I might actually conceive because it will most probably be ectopic and if it isn't I will most likely miscarry. how do I sort this out? I am sad. Simply sad.

The Jar O' Joy continues

Aack! I just wrote out all kinds of oodles and bits only to have the entire page disappear...I have no idea what happened though I suspect my left pinky may have had something to do with it! Sneaky! Phew! After 13 days floating around the U.S. the Jar O' Joy has finally reached its destination. I hope hope hope Deb gets a gleeful kick outta of the wacky innards as I had a blast stuffing that thing! I didn;t stuff it nearly as much as Mel did for me. My items were a bit more bulky but I think I did a pretty good job. Let's see...I managed:

*lobster dashboard dollie
*2 fabulously funky ocktail muscle men
*charm-a-liscious dragonflies
*a Lindt chocolate lamb or two
*CHoward's Violet candies
*a kokeshi doll
*wind up gorilla that flips
*nifty japanese notepad keychain from MOCA
*2 large paper umbrellas
*African nectar tea from Mighty Leaf
*painted green tin heart "ornament" from Cost Plus
*rosemary mint soap from Whole Foods

Not bad, right? Today is doctor day where I FINALLY will get to hear the results from my ultrasound back in December! Yes, I know! You're thinking WHAT? Me to! I called and called and called and nothing so today I go in for a gilrie exam and then my results. See, I'm a DES daughter and along with the DES (scary cancer stuff) comes alll sorts of reproductive abnormalities. Mr.A-go-go & I are trying for a wee go-go and it is kinda looking like it won't be in the cards and the ultrasound will tell us how abnormal my girlie parts are. I hope all is well, it should be since it has been three months since the test but if it isn't, I'm afraid I will go a wee bit postal on the doc and yes, I'm already on the lookout for a new doc. You gotta love insurance, right? Wish me luck folks. This DES stigma really sucks and I try not to dwell on it too much but it plain and simple sucks. Which is why I am looking forward to cupcakey goodness, ANTM and hanging out with my gal Gelato-g! I need to get bigger envies to mail my coco bunnies so Happy Wednesday Folks!