rolling with it

 mister is asleep on the sofa next to me as i tippy-type various angst-filled posts that may or may not sometime be published. his breathing is slow and deep as his crossed arms over his chest twitch every now and then. i feel ever-so-slighlty train wreckish and i think it's just a cycle i go through. call it depression or moodiness or simply the holidays, it is what it is and it hits like clockwork.

it's not surprising really. at least to me. my mother went into the hospital around this time just before she died. i had no idea she wouldn't be coming home. none. i think about her last Thanksgiving in a lonely room so far from her home and her comforting objects and my chest tightens. heartsick. i still feel so young. i feel like i shouldn't have to feel this way. that i am too young to not have her alive. we were close. crazy close. and i miss her. there are times when i miss her so much tears simply fall and other times i am so angry at her for things that cannot be changed. then there are times when i am so very mournful of what she went through, opportunities she lost, and the burden of her illness that my mind goes blank and i refuse, refuse to think anymore on it otherwise i might wail and wailing takes me to a place that i fear so very much.

so yes, it's the season. the season of sad. it can be bittersweet. it usually is. i gather up all my good memories of my mother and my family and the holidays and i fling them about in hopes that i can feel the warmth and charm of my mother. sometimes i succeed, mostly i do not because when i open myself up to it all, it lets all sorts of other into the mix. nothing like the holidays to remind you that you are the last of your traditions. i hold onto them so so so tightly. i wonder why when i know there is no point, no one, no child or children to pass them along to. ick, that sounds so desperate. but here's the thing, my best memories circle around those traditions my mother gave to me. those traditions that she shared even though her heart was broken. her person was broken. i need to share them but am unable to. at least in the manner i wish.

yet, through all this muck. this sad. this ick. i feel grateful and thankful for what i do have and how i came out of it all for the most part, intact (sad raccoon be damned). yes, there is melodrama and whininess and sad rants and such. i make no excuses for that. anyone who never feels these things is taking too many pills. i'm putting this out there because it is what it is. i feel sad. i feel blue. at some point tonight, i am sure i will laugh at something. i will feel inspired and i will write down an idea. i will smile to myself and i will remember my mother without tears. i will smooth back the hair that flops over the mister's forehead and feel my heart burst with all sorts of good feelings and i will slip into a pretty bed with velvety-soft vintage sheets, hippo under my arm, this song stuck in my head as i slip into slumber full of wonder and joy for all that i have.

the week of the mundane

 I have been swamped with nothing and everything all at once. The casa is still, still, still a jumbled mix of boxes full of who-knows-what. I have half finished projects on all available surfaces and even more in my head that are itch-itch-itching to get out. There are ants in the kitchen. So annoying those ant and fabric bits cluttering up the floor.

Laundry has been laundered thank goodness, and tomorrow's stuffing has been baked and I'm just about ready to whip up some sort of desserty-goodness. The light is fading fast so no more pictures until tomorrow and I think it is time to admit defeat that I will most probably NOT get anything into the shop this weekend. Zoinks!

I still have at least five more picture book posts to write up and craft for but am thinking that maybe I'll just add the pics and a link and call it a day. How, how, HOW did November get away from me so quickly? What's up November?

As for the picture up top, hippo has been rediscovered and yes, I am happy and yes, I do sleep with him tucked into the crook of whichever arm is attached to the shoulder facing up. He is a really good hippo. REALLY good and I am not the only one I know who sleeps with such a cutie. Better than them pillow-pets, cuter too (though not as square)! Happy almost-Thanksgiving!

See ya Monday!

I have a sooper busy weekend planned. Completely forgot to prepare a post or two so happy Friday and I'll see ya Monday! Until then, here's another wee thrift score...$1.75 for two hankies,  lace scarf, teacup and kiddo art in frame.

thrift score: containers and such

The grand total for this lot was under $4. UNDER!  I do love our Goodwill Outlet. Scores are always good and depending on who is ringing you up and the time of day, etc the score can be even better!Mister found the mallet and the smallish metal box. I discovered the rest and even found two shelves I almost purchased at a different store but decided they weren't worth the $5...soooo happy I didn't get them then.

 I've been looking for cloth bound books to turn into shelves. The Wonder book was purchased mostly for the paper cover. I have no idea what I am going to do with it but yay!

 These are the two shelves I originally put back. They are small but I think I can find oodles of fun to display on them. They will be given a coat or two of paint. I still need to do that.

This metal cabinet has a handle on top. Mister is going to wax the doors so they open better and then we're gonna hang it somewhere. What shall we store inside? not pictured is the small vanity suitcase. That too will become storage of course. How could I pass up a suitcase?

rainy days and rainbows

Last Friday we had a rainy day. It began with blue skies but began to rain sometime around eleven or so. The mister and I headed north to another tiny town in search of nasal spray. I know, thrilling, right? We wandered around the town in the chilly wind and hit up a couple of thrift stores on the way back home. Purchases were made at a few and we headed home for lunch.

I lazed about looking at Pinterest while the mister worked on various projects. He headed out to shake paper bits off the bedspread when he was greeted by a happy, happy rainbow. It continued to rain off and on until the next morning but the mister and I were all cozy, cozy in our new tiny casa and our big splurge...Netflix.

Some days are full, simple, lazy and pretty all wrapped up together.

Happy Bundt Day!

 For National Bundt Day I baked up a ginger-ale cake. Not wanting to use a box mix for my cake or a zillion eggs, I made up my own recipe that the mister seems to like as much as I do and since he is the one with the working sniffer then I think it's a keeper.

Ginger Ale Bundt Cake a-go-go

*1 cup sugar

*1/2 cup brown sugar

*1/2 cup unsalted butter

*2 eggs

*1 cup ginger ale

*3 cups flour (more or less as needed)

*1 1/2 tsp baking soda

*dash o salt

*1 tsp ginger

*grind or two black pepper

Cream butter and sugar until it sticks together. It gets crumbly, just keep mixing it up. Add eggs and beat for three minutes. Add half the ginger ale and mix. Mixture will appear curdled. Fold in half flour mixture then remaining ginger ale then the rest of the flour mixture. I cannot remember exactly how much flour I used. I know I used more than two cups, eeps!

Pour into prepared bundt pan and bake in a preheated oven for 45 minutes (or until toothpick comes out crumb free) at 375 degrees F. My cake got a smidge overbaked so keep an eye on yours.

Once cake is cool, make your glaze and drizzle over the top. I tend to wing it and was a little impatient so my glaze is a bit lumpy. I used about 2 cups powdered sugar and 2 tablespoons of ginger ale and a teaspoon of black pepper. It's spicy!

For thirty awesome recipes, hop on over to The Food Librarian's blog and check out her I Like Big Bundts: 30 Days of Bundt Cakes. I need to try that eggnog cake!