this morning we rode to the beach...

in the fog. it was wonderful. there weren't many people out and those that were nodded a happy hello. we rode out to the coast, stopped for coffee and treats then walked along the pier in the fog. it was at once calm and eerie. we heard gulls scream off in the distance further than where the fog kissed the sea. we stopped to watch a seal watch us as it danced in the green water and we crouched low to touch with gentle fingers the dozens of water droplets bejeweling the spiderwebs that decorated the pier like lace doilies in a grandma's cottage. the air was cool, salty and fresh and the bike ride was a welcome end to a week spent in worry.

it's apple {farm} time

in which i dream of an enormous mantis (and billy got pants)

seriously. again i slept fitfully but i managed to struggle awake in the morning and for the first time in a long while i wasn't the last one up. but i went back to bed eyes filled with grogginess and did one of those tumble to sleep falls where i the dreams were 3D, hi-tech, HD and what have you.

you know the kind, the kind in which they are so fantastic that your blood pumps with happy and your life seems to be of the most magical kind. where you hum and sing and skip and see impossible things (at least six) that are so magical the only thing to do is BELIEVE. in my case i saw a witch-baby sized mantis land outside the front window. it attached itself to the glass and hung there with its head slowly taking in the scenery. i was inside tippy-tapping away on the laptop (as i am wont to do) and i startle with blood pumping because an insect THAT BIG is SCARY. intrigue sets in along with my love of non-icky bugs and i creep up to the window to investigate. from underneath the mantis is all crisscrossed and veiny much like a fall leaf freed from its branch. the head moves to look at me (as mantis' are prone to do) and i see that the top-front-back (?) of the thing DAZZLES. it is black, black, black with a patchwork of colors scattered about as if it were an appliqued wall piece from somewhere not home. i gasp and hold my breath and grab the closest camera to photograph it all the while it poses with an elegance that brings tears to my peepers.

having taking a zillion-and-a-half photos i run to grab mr. a-go-go or sister a-go-go who are all outside elsewhere not near this majestic being. i run with my hands and arms a-flapping and gather everyone to look and when we round to the front of the house it is not there at least not that we can see and i am gasping and holding my hands up demonstrating the "one that got away" syndrome i hear many a fisherperson experiences. they look at me as if i am quite bonkers and i grab the camera to show them but there are no pictures camping out on the tiny smudged-up screen. with a start i find myself awake, yet not, and thinking oh drats it was only DREAM but then i spy the camera all tilty stashed across the room. i stumble towards it, turn it on and to my delight i spy with my near sighted eyes an magical mystical mantis decked out in rainbow colors camping out on the window in front of the house! i run out of the room and through the house wincing with the knowledge that i am indeed the last one up. no one is to be found until i hear the family a-go-go out in the garden. wheeling in their directions i hear a pathetic howl as i step on the poor witch-baby's tail in my haste which makes my heart race and WAKES ME UP all over again. so confused am i that i simply lay there in the darkened room seriously considering if maybe i was still asleep and in yet another dream.

i am disappointed to confirm that i was indeed not and there was no such magical-mystical mantis rooming out on our window. just a very sandy and very dirty witch-baby returning from her secret hollow in the neighbor's backyard. drats.

can you imagine?

changing worlds

i stayed up way too late last night, for me at least. my head was too full and i needed to do nothing, nothing, nothing, like watch tv and play endless games of sudoku. when i finally crawled into my borrowed bed my brain exploded. suddenly there were words swirling all over, musical words, thoughtful words, words i should have gotten up to write down for now they have escaped and i was left wordless. i'm in one of those moods where i want to write and create things. i NEED to write and create things. not just for the creative urge but for my tomorrows and future days. they seem to stretch endlessly all clouded, foggy and grey. i NEED to write resumes but i want to create recipes. i NEED to finish up articles but i want to make patchwork. i'm all topsy-turvy and ID driven save for the manic consumption of coco puffs or lucky charms. each night as i crawl into bed i pine for dreams of clarity.instead i dream of giving birth to kittens that never grow and crayons that melt in my hands. i dream of forgetting my children (the ones i do not have) and of losing my sniffer again. instead of waking up with a fresh slate, i doze, doze, doze in a room that never brightens. i wake up groggy and foggy and spend my time obsessing over what i can contribute and how i can make money and where can we get health insurance and...and...and...

life is good, i'm just twitchy angsty and wanting to fast forward to the next stage already. we a-go-gos can't complain, we are so lucky to have been able to choose an adventure and to have a home to return to for as long as we need it. sometimes though, when the sun is down and the night is quiet we wonder if we made a mistake. we worry over possible foolishness and we sleep, fitfully. we go through our new daily schedule and create direction. we explore our new town and enjoy this quality time with family while we miss the family we left behind and the family that lives too far away. we landed in a pretty good place. we're looking forward to making it work and settling into our soon-to-be every days. until then we take each day as it comes. the pictures above are from the evening farmer's market. downtown is only two and half miles away and while we haven't quite made the leap to walking everywhere we did park far enough away to wander in and through, stopping for bbq dinner, a peek into the toy store, a hunt through the craft store and the lazy walk back, back, back to the car that got us safely home to enjoy a cup of cocoa. here's to lovelier days, nights and dreams. here's to clairty.

whipped

the job hunt is not smooth sailing. but that is to be expected, right? i'm totally clueless on some positions, over qualified for others and feeling all sad racoony and lame. my head is full of ideas, full of projects i would like to work on and brainstorms of "wouldn't it be great if..." plans.

you know those people who are all positive energy with go-get-em attitudes? are you one of those? you know, the kind of person who thinks "i can do that" and then you do? you even turn it into something completely fantastic and it becomes your career? or you apply for a job that sounds interesting even though you have no idea how to do it and you jump in, head under the water and succeed? how do you do that? how do you, they, them have that special brain power that propels you/them forward? why do i lack that magic power? it's baffling to me, it really is. on the one hand i see how i can do amazing things but on the other hand i feel like maybe i should just hide under the bed and make friends with the dust bunnies...that is, if i had a bed of my own to hide under. i'm not all woe is me, i'm just thinking out loud and wondering, maybe wishing upon stars and keeping my fingers crossed. until then, i will putter on, making the days seem sweeter with whipped cream on top.

pesto change-o!

check out my newest recipe for craftzine. cilantro walnut pesto. good stuff1