Friday, August 14, 2020

feeling a smidge crumpled


If I have to walk one more loop around my neighborhood I’m gonna crumple to the ground and just lie there. When we first received the safer at home order, we took it in stride and began daily walks around our neighborhood. Whether we turned right, or left at the end of the driveway didn’t matter, there were hills to be tackled, fences to be mocked, and Little Free Libraries to explore. From March to May we walked almost daily, enjoying the gardens of our distant neighbors, the handmade signs “We’re All in This Together”, the bears and the eggs, and the hellos and the waves. It was cool. There was rain, and wind, and magic hour sunsets, there were cats, and cats, and more cats to not pet (except Joe, I would pet Joe for a solid ten minutes.) We watched the leaves appear on the trees, the birds gathering nesting materials, the gardens appearing in front yards, and so much heartfelt curb appeal going on. There was an influx of Rufous Hummingbirds, the Kite family hatched four babes, and the occasional Western Bluebird would make a pitstop at our yard. 

We enjoyed the walks, masks and all, and we could do this and we did, for two and a half months. I’ve now seen all the things I can see in the neighborhood. The new stupid horizontal fences, the landscaping, the non-masked people huffing past in groups of three or more. It’s hot and not even too hot yet, but I’m cranky. I’m cranky with the people not wearing their masks, I’m cranky with the stupid horizontal fences (clearly I wasn’t the only one to binge watch Fip or Flop), and I’m cranky with the hills that fake me out. I’ve lost my Pollyanna vibe and it’s bugging me, but rather than do anything about it, here I am, looking up another muffin recipe on Pinterest because I’m now in the frame of mind of “Meh, screw it, gimme all the muffins and let’s watch Hallmark Christmas movies.” 

I still have library books I picked up IN MARCH that I have not read, nor can I read, feeling too troubled to read so instead I watch horror movies or Gilmore Girls for the ninety billionth time, and reread lame romance novels because things are just too scary right now but if I admit it, I’m living in fear, or overreacting. So instead, I bake muffins and post them on social media so all everyone thinks of me is “she sure eats a lot of sugar that one.” and I nap. I’ve now napped so much, I’m all napped out, tapped out, apped out, At the same time, I’m so freaking lucky. We are. There is a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, and mr. a-go-go is still employed and working from home. We laugh, and listen to music, and vent about the current political climate. We cook dinners without sugar and make plans to walk that we ditch for cat videos instead. We eat fresh berries from the garden, and herbs from my herb pots, and homemade scones every other week or so. We have soap to wash our hands, and fabric to make our own masks, and enough affection and gooey love for each other to get through whatever this chaos is. We’re so dang lucky I could just crumple to the ground because the view from there is all blue skies and happy clouds. 

Hang in there everyone. Covid-19 is no joke. Racism is real. Black Lives Matter. Wash your hands, and be kind to yourself and each other.

Saturday, June 06, 2020



I found black nasturtium seeds! the sprouts are looking happy so I'm going to move them from their tiny little pot to the nasturtium bed in the backyard. Crossing fingers they make it! 

**edited to add...they did not make it. Drats. 

Sunday, May 31, 2020

then I prettied them up


A little washi tape here, a little bit of scrappy scraps there and voila! Pretty jars of plants to be. It's both pretty and it protects the roots from too much sunlight! I miss making things. These last few years have been spent creating bits for the classroom but now I have to think outside the crafty box and figure out how to get my mojo back. 

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

thank mawd for awesome friends and co-teachers


I had an awful, awful, asthma attack last night. I woke up suddenly and immediately went into an asthmatic episode. This happens a lot when adrenaline makes an appearance in my body. It can happen during exercise, or surprise even. When it does, it is sudden and fierce. The first hit of the inhaler doesn't really do anything so I hit it again hoping the first one opened up my airway enough for the second hit to work. My head has the most intense headache feeling in it and I feel epically awful. It's maybe one or two in the morning and the mister is on the couch (aka insomnia man). I wander out to get a drink of water and practice some breathing but my head hurts too much. I remove my retainers and eat a spoonful of apple sauce and a piece of leftover roast so I can take some painkillers without nausea but the headache pain is so intense I think the nausea became a squatter and just won't leave. I stumble back into the bedroom and take another hit of the inhaler but then I cough and suddenly my body is in PAIN. I can't stand up as the floor decides to tilt, and there is a burning sensation in my fingers and my body just feels awful. I can't describe it but it is misery and I kinda tip over onto the bed and am pretty certain I am going to die as I think it would be a relief from what I am feeling right now which I can't really describe other than awful, awfulness. I whimper and try to do my breathing exercise and who knows how much time has passed. 

When I can stand up again, I wander back out to the living room but I have to hold onto the walls, chairs, and counters. I wake the mister up and ask him to grab me more pillows. He is discombobulated and slightly annoyed but gets them for me and helps me back to bed. Now he is worried. He feels my forehead, no fever. Looks at my eyes, pupils are fine. He gets me some water and sets up the pillows so I can sit up and he sits with me until I fall asleep again. When I wake up, it is maybe six in the morning and I feel like I was run over by a herd of elephants. I look like I have aged a decade and I feel hungover even though I'm not really sure what that feels like. Kinda like I'm a dry husk of myself. fun times. 

I have to teach a class in a few hours on zoom and I just cannot recover in time so I contact my old co-teacher and she steps in gladly as she misses the children as much as I do. I had to set up the meeting so I put my picture up and two of my students thought my screen had frozen up and golly I adore these kiddos and my co-teacher so freaking much at this moment and this is a very long post to say asthma is awful and thank mawd for friends. 

Monday, May 18, 2020

making flower paint


You need all the flower petals. ALL the flower petals. I went through the garden to see what I could find. Our yellow rose was dropping petals left and right, so I grabbed those along with nasturtium, and red rose petals. Shoved them into their own jars, smooshed them up and pour boiling water over them. Muddled some more and let them steep. The adorable wee jars are Beech's baby food jars, and Oui yogurt jars. 
Some of the first batch didn't really come out so I doubled down and used MORE petals. 
 The cool grey color here is from yellow day lilies! How cool. I may have experimented with salt and baking soda as well. I can't remember which had which. The colors are so pretty! 
The bottom picture is of how the colors looked when I added flour to the jars. Not really that much different. This was fun. I need to try it again!