Sunday, November 18, 2012

a good kind of cry

I often marvel at the chaos that floats around my noggin. Last week I had the thought that I haven't cried in a long time. I thought how I hadn't felt that sad, sad, gloomy gloom in so long that I could not remember the last time I felt it. Usually I feel it when I miss my mom or I am mourning my infertility but lately, I haven't wallowed and so I have not cried.

I still miss my mom, I miss her greatly especially around this time of year, and the lack of parenthood as a defining thing for me and the mister still hits me like an arrow and takes my breath away but my head is still held high, my shoulders back and my laughter comes quick when something makes me smile.

I'm just thinking out loud up there, interested in how our minds are connected to our emotions, our hormones, or moods.

That said, not long after I had that thought, I had it again and then a few days later I found myself driving home along a favorite road. The air was so crisp, the sky so blue, the time of day caused the light to bathe the surrounding hills so they looked like velvet and I felt myself give in to the weep as it was simply to beautiful to contain.

 I swear I was all weepified for the remainder of the drive. The hills made me cry, the geese flying over head made me cry, the egrets in the dried out grass made me cry, the pink barn made cry, the horses and their foals made me cry...now...that is what I call a good kind of cry.

2 comments:

  1. i love those kinds of cries.

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  2. hope the tears helped sooth your soul.
    i always say our soul needs a good rain every now and then :).

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