I wanted to thank you all for your input and comments on the last post. I really wish there were (was?) a way to contact each of you directly to respond via blogger but I can only do that if I have your email address and I would love to do so, so shoot me an email (jekinthebox) anytime, really (on the google system)!
That said I was thinking again how perception is so weird and wonky even when you think you are being clear. See, everytime I write a post like the previous one, I get lovely, wonderful, song-singy messages and then I feel awful-awful. Not that YOU make me feel awful, goodness no! I tend to lean towards extreme self-doubt and panic that those posts sound like I NEED a pat on the back, like I am pleading for one or two or three when that isn't my intention AT ALL! I just like to think out loud, to wonder and to make connections. I know I tend to trap myself into a comparison game when I'm feeling poorly in the noggin and I thought maybe other people do as well. There was a lot more I wanted to "correct" regarding that post but I let too much time pass as I usually do when I am in a tizzy and now there are other bits of anxiousness clouding my thoughts (like a new part-time job). All kinds of yay and yikes in there!
So when I ramble on and on about insecurities and collectiveness I am really rambling in an out loud voice about the assumed singularity of a person versus the community that is out there. With this new social media age thing going on, we find ourselves tied more and more to gadgetry which may lead some of us (ahem...me) to isolate themselves yet feel connected. Does that make sense? I'm not very good in physical social situations. At least I don't FEEL like I do very well in those situations. I get nervous and extremely chatty and begin telling stories and anecdotes that are all me, me, ME. While at the same time berating myself internally for NOT just shutting up already. It's a nervous thing and I know I do it and I don't mean to sound like it is all about me, the nervousness packs a wallop while the tongue-tied-i-ness strikes and BAM! Story-mode. SO, rather than put myself into such a situation, I happily type away and read the blogs of those I feel connected to while safely tucked away at home in my happy bubble. It is comforting and comfortable and no one cares that I may or may not be in the same jeans and t-shirt from yesterday. No one sees me tear up when I read something completely moving or has to hear me wheeze away with asthma when my allergies get the best of me. I can read and interact at my comfort level and I feel safe until I feel overwhelmed which may sound like it is often but only because that is when I feel compelled to write more. I mean really, can you imagine if every post I wrote was about how awesome I felt or how content and happy I was? Most of the time I simply feel okay. Things aren't fantastic but they aren't deviating either. I drink my coffee or my tea, talk to the cat, watch the birds, bake or maybe make something. The sky might be gorgeous or the mister and I went on a hike or...or...or? Good stuff. Solid stuff. Stuff I should write about and do but just not every day.
I am rambling again but want to thank you, all of you for your input and your lurking and your emails and such. You make me smile or laugh or nod my head and want to hug you. I want to make you a smoothie or bake you a poundcake and play you a new favorite song and just sit and talk the day away. I wasn't kidding about emailing me, please do. I like this bubble and I like my other bubbles, I think there is time and room for them to mix and mingle and most of all, I like that we all have our own bubbles (or two, or three) and that when it comes down to it, we all probably make for a pretty great dance party.