Tuesday, April 12, 2011

what song is in your head?

I've been keeping as busy as I can as the job hunt continues and no one seems to want me. I've pursued just about everything from office clerking, preschool teaching, shop working, merchandiser and grocery store bagger and at this point I'm beginning to think I am damaged goods. It makes me think a lot about perception and how we perceive ourselves so completely differently than those who do not know us and those who do. I'm always baffled by the response I get from friends who read this blog and think this or that about my mood or mental state. I am often left wondering, "Goodness, is THAT how I sound? Eesh!"

I've been reading a lot lately from various blogs about the purpose of blogging and the edited versions of our best selves. In all my honesty I can say that I don't edit. I'm who I am, the good, the bad, the nutty. I have upswings and downward spirals and panic attacks and laugh attacks. I blog when I am sad, moody, grumpy, happy, bored...you name it. The only editing I do is probably the not-posting yet another cranky mood as it seems I'm quite particular and am quite tired of close friends telling me I am emotional and everyone knows this or that about me when truly, those weren't the songs in my head at the time.

Have I written about the songs in your head dealie-o? It was a group exercise from one of my infant development classes. Our professor had us stand in a circle facing in (and yes, there were eye rolls, mine included) and asked us to close our eyes and think of our most favorite dancing song. She asked us to imagine ourselves dancing and so I did**, along with the rest of the class and I could tell because I could hear some folks jig a little. After a moment or so, she had us open our eyes and turn to someone standing next to else and tell them the song THEY were dancing to. What? Huh? We all stood there completely befuddled. And that was the point! She said that no matter how well you know someone, no matter how much you common you may have, even if they are your children, parents, siblings or spouse, at any given moment, you most probably do not know the song in their head, even when yo uare both dancing. I was floored! I was astounded! She was completely correct. It became my mantra that week as I am certain my friends will tell you. I couldn't talk about it enough. So now, when mister and I are in a mood. Or when we're reaching the peak of persnicketiness or other somesuch chaos, one of us may ask "What song is in your head?" We use it as a tool to simply gauge how the other is feeling. Usually, when I ask this, I think of a song that matches the mood I think the mister is in and if he answers along the same lines then I know how he might be feeling.

When I am grumping about something I may remind myself that I do not know what song so and so is dancing to and they in turn do not know mine. But still this vast world of blogging allows for much to be misconstrued and I'm not a fan of being misconstrued but I suppose I have to take the good with the not-so-good. I'm trying and fumbling greatly and doing everything I can to make this little blog grow into something that will put food on the table. Any ideas? I'm grasping, grasping, grasping away. Writing for this site or that site and trying to merit out the paying gigs which appear to hire the same six or so people. What's a moody girl to do? I suppose there is nothing else really but to keep trying, keep pushing, keep writing and to keep dancing.

So, what song is in your head?

**I was dancing to this song.

6 comments:

  1. Wow, I usually roll my eyes at that kinda stuff too, but I *love* the "what song is in your head?" exercise (not to mention that I love that yours was a FW song!).

    And yes, please keep dancing! :)

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  2. "...I don't edit. I'm who I am, the good, the bad, the nutty..."
    Dangit, Jek, dontcha know that's why we love you? Yes, I love those blogs, um, you know, the ones that MUST be edited, because how the heck can it just be so perfect? (I know it isn't...we've ALL got stuff going on, and I understand and respect that some bloggers don't want it to be a place for all that "other stuff". That's cool.)

    The "song in your head" exercise"? BRILLIANT! How true is that? I actually think that is better than "walking in someone else's shoes". My song right now? The New Radicals' "You Get What You Give".
    Heck to the yeaa-aaaaaa!!!!

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  3. I love the song in your head. I too have had the same job hunt problem and it wears on you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. You are too amazing and you would be great at anything.

    The song in my head is Modern English's Melt With You. I love that song.

    hugs,
    Fritzi

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  4. what a brilliant post Jek. and a wonderful way to go about the world, remembering that despite that seseame street bit of "we all sing the same song...." We might not be doing so at the same time.

    I am going to try this out next time I am having a momement with my man.

    thanks!!

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  5. I dare ya to walk around today singing that song complete w/ his facial expressions-eye brows & all! LOL! Whew, think people's perceptions of you are messed up now, imagine if you broke out in full dance like that one fella on there!
    You are not damaged goods, honey. (yes, I'm Southern!) What IS damaged goods is our pathetic economy. I will pray for just the right job to supplement your income. One where you think, "I'm so glad I didn't get those other jobs because this is awesome!" You're so creative, surely you can carve a niche for yourself. I bet you hear that a lot. Come to VA, girly, and we'll start a business. If I could ever find some time away from homeschooling my kiddos to actually make all of the stuff in my head...
    I know what you mean about worrying about people's perception of me. I do that all of the time. Actually, I was sitting on my husband's lap crying about it last night! I like your good, bad & the nutty. We can't control people's judgement of us. I like your post today. I think God used this to get a message to me. This will have me thinking all day- hmm, now I need a song!

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  6. janeray-FW is one of my faves. Best driving music ever! I need to make a spring playlist.

    gail-isn't it cool? i try to think of a song i want to live the day by and if i go to bed at night with it still in my head, then the day has been a good day.

    fritzie-i have an awesome cover of Melt With Youby one of my favorite artists...Bob Forrest. Acoustic! Sending you good job vibes!

    Vanessa-oh, I LOVE that...same song not at the same time. Brilliant!

    Juli-Do I dare tell you I do DO that in the car? and I often do break out into dance in public spaces...thank you for your words. I would love to figure out how I could teach homeschooled kiddos art and creativity. Too bad there's a whole country in between us.

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