Friday, February 25, 2011
thoughts on this rainy day
there is simply not enough time to do what i want to do. what i wish to do. even with all this time i have, there is not enough time. for someone else, there may be heaps and bounds and oodles of time but for me and the cacophony that is in my head, there is not enough.
i wish i had a quiet mind. it's loud in here, in the noggin that is mine. there are thoughts and words and songs and colors. there is a rise and fall of sharp points and below level thoughts all spinning and twirling in a single cluster. some kissing cousins but most are singular like snowflakes fluttering about, melting to nothing before i can put them in my pocket. like vivid dreams that lose their color once morning comes. all of this, and that and that, and that keeps me from doing. from DOING. i am so panicked by the idea of losing these thoughts that i sit and breathe deeply all closed eyes and fists. i make lists and lose lists and make new lists that get lost all over again. i stack them neatly, i reread them and sometimes they get tucked away into library books, forgotten until after the books have been returned. i hope those lists confuse and amuse.
i wish i had an idea. a good idea. just a single idea. i have many, many that may be good or great or brilliant but they are so loud i cannot focus so today i am wishing for one. for one brilliant thought to flutter down for one moment. one quiet. one brilliant. one moment.