as usual, i had a plan. i wanted to dazzle the internet and blog world with stellar handmade ideas and crazy-easy handmade projects. i have lists here, there and everywhere. some are written in pencil, some written in ink. red ink, blue ink, even a little purple is floating about. i have oodles of half-finished projects taking up space in the homestead a-go-go, it is as if a jek disaster has trickled through the house...or barrelled through. all sorts of crafty debris has lava-d itself in every nook and cranny and you would think that with all this busyness and making i would be inspired and happy to finish but i am not.
my heart is breaking. my not-so-old witch-baby (aka cat) is in liver failure and we don't know why. the vets recommend a biopsy but why would i put her through all that when all it would do would be prolonging an unhealthy life. she of the hissy-fits and cricket chattering who loves broccoli is not herself. she usually settles herself on your lap purr-purr-purring away until she decides she wants to move and so with a meowrl and nip she prances off only to return moments later as if you didn't just break up. she who sleeps with paws outstretched as if she is flying through the air is curled up in an immovable ball. she hasn't had water or food or moved for almost two days. she doesn't look up and greet when you approach. there or no birp-chirps or nose licks or purrs. her rabbit coat is not so shiny and the fur on her spine is old cat cowlicked. my heart is breaking, all of ours are. we don't know what to do. what to do?
and because i am a pisces and prone to dramatics i am wondering why this week is so stupidly awful. my body aches and feels out of sorts and i have a blue feeling, a melancholy heart and i can't think (or couldn't think) of a reason but then i spied the calendar and realized that my body knew what my brain did not, this weeks marks the eleventh anniversary of my mother's death. eleven years is a long time i know. last year, i actually fared better. this year however it has come full circle. the days of the week are all lined up and match like they did that awful week before she died. so there is an ick, a heavy ick all knotted up where my heart should be and instead of a steady beat there is a twisty-tango all jumbled up and screech, screech, screeching its song. i am sad. i am heartbroken.