Thursday, December 09, 2010

bluesy bluesy blues

as usual, i had a plan. i wanted to dazzle the internet and blog world with stellar handmade ideas and crazy-easy handmade projects. i have lists here, there and everywhere. some are written in pencil, some written in ink. red ink, blue ink, even a little purple is floating about. i have oodles of half-finished projects taking up space in the homestead a-go-go, it is as if a jek disaster has trickled through the house...or barrelled through. all sorts of crafty debris has lava-d itself in every nook and cranny and you would think that with all this busyness and making i would be inspired and happy to finish but i am not.

my heart is breaking. my not-so-old witch-baby (aka cat) is in liver failure and we don't know why. the vets recommend a biopsy but why would i put her through all that when all it would do would be prolonging an unhealthy life. she of the hissy-fits and cricket chattering who loves broccoli is not herself. she usually settles herself on your lap purr-purr-purring away until she decides she wants to move and so with a meowrl and nip she prances off only to return moments later as if you didn't just break up.  she who sleeps with paws outstretched as if she is flying through the air is curled up in an immovable ball. she hasn't had water or food or moved for almost two days. she doesn't look up and greet when you approach. there or no birp-chirps or nose licks or purrs. her rabbit coat is not so shiny and the fur on her spine is old cat cowlicked. my heart is breaking, all of ours are. we don't know what to do. what to do?

and because i am a pisces and prone to dramatics i am wondering why this week is so stupidly awful. my body aches and feels out of sorts and i have a blue feeling, a melancholy heart and i can't think (or couldn't think) of a reason but then i spied the calendar and realized that my body knew what my brain did not, this weeks marks the eleventh anniversary of my mother's death. eleven years is a long time i know. last year, i actually fared better. this year however it has come full circle. the days of the week are all lined up and match like they did that awful week before she died. so there is an ick, a heavy ick all knotted up where my heart should be and instead of a steady beat there is a twisty-tango all jumbled up and screech, screech, screeching its song. i am sad. i am heartbroken.

10 comments:

  1. Thinking of you often, Jek. It is so hard to say goodbye to our little furry friends, but it usually is more difficult for them to endure all the poking and prodding, as they don't understand what is going on. Poor kitty...

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  2. Dawn/wolfmom2ac10:35 AM

    I had a kitty that we had to put down last year at Thanksgiving time. Meshia was 19 1/2 yrs old with kidney failure and in the very end liver failure. We finally just let her go. Hardest thing I have ever done. I know what you are going through. I feel your pain. I wish I could give you some great talk about how things will work out but I can't or I would. Just know that I am praying for you and your kitty and sending you healing thoughts. Hang in there sweetie. Love ya Jess.

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  3. Dearie,

    I am feeling for you and wishing for your heart to feel better. I lost my Daddy almost 10 years ago and that hurt never gets any easier. I am so sad about your dear kitty. My heart goes out to you and yours over and over.

    I'm sending all my love and best wishes.

    love love,
    Kitty

    p.s. Dearie, can you send me your address. I found something for you and I've been waiting for you to return from your road trip and get settled to send it. I think you need it now most of all.
    fritzimarie@yahoo.com

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  4. I'm so sorry about your kitty. My parents lost their dog to bone cancer in July.
    I wanted to comment with words of support and comfort, but I know that no words are really comforting when you're going through this type of thing.
    So I'll just let you know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers today.

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  5. Oh I am so sorry to hear that your kitty is not well. And it is unfortunate that it is happening on your sad anniversary.

    Grief sucks but we just have to sit through it. I'll be thinking of you and Mr. A-Go-Go.

    Sarah

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  6. Anonymous12:43 PM

    Hi Jek, I was very ill and looking at your colourful blog made me feel better. The good karma will come back to you! Greetings from Germany

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  7. Greeblygreebly1:35 PM

    I'm so sorry both about your kitty and the anniversary. Anniversaries are hard, I am always blue around the date my mom died even when I don't consciously remember that's what's going on. It's so strange how that works.

    Poor kitty, it's so hard to let go. She sounds like such a love!

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  8. I am so sorry. I know the loss of a long loved pet.
    I also know what you mean about 11 year. Fourteen years seems like no time and forever at the same time to me. I miss my mom.
    She really loved Christmas. She loved giving to others especially her family and those she really loved. This time of year is hard. I love the holiday, decorating, thinking of others, making things for those I love. All of it. The hard part is missing her and wishing she could see the person I am now and know my family the way it is now. I would love to know her as an older person. It is hard.
    Missing is hard.

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  9. ah i feel your pain jessica, almost as if it is mine own. my father died 10 years ago and i too feel the heavy heart, like someone is standing on my chest. soooo sorry to hear about your little witch baby. i know how difficult it is to have a sick pet who is such a large part of the family as she is. will be thinking of you and yours!!!!

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  10. oh jek. i send you the biggest warmest hugs. it is so hard to let go of your pet. i know the right thing will be done for her. she has had such a good m ama and papa. xoxoxoxoxo

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