Wednesday, September 15, 2010

changing worlds

i stayed up way too late last night, for me at least. my head was too full and i needed to do nothing, nothing, nothing, like watch tv and play endless games of sudoku. when i finally crawled into my borrowed bed my brain exploded. suddenly there were words swirling all over, musical words, thoughtful words, words i should have gotten up to write down for now they have escaped and i was left wordless. i'm in one of those moods where i want to write and create things. i NEED to write and create things. not just for the creative urge but for my tomorrows and future days. they seem to stretch endlessly all clouded, foggy and grey. i NEED to write resumes but i want to create recipes. i NEED to finish up articles but i want to make patchwork. i'm all topsy-turvy and ID driven save for the manic consumption of coco puffs or lucky charms. each night as i crawl into bed i pine for dreams of clarity.instead i dream of giving birth to kittens that never grow and crayons that melt in my hands. i dream of forgetting my children (the ones i do not have) and of losing my sniffer again. instead of waking up with a fresh slate, i doze, doze, doze in a room that never brightens. i wake up groggy and foggy and spend my time obsessing over what i can contribute and how i can make money and where can we get health insurance and...and...and...

life is good, i'm just twitchy angsty and wanting to fast forward to the next stage already. we a-go-gos can't complain, we are so lucky to have been able to choose an adventure and to have a home to return to for as long as we need it. sometimes though, when the sun is down and the night is quiet we wonder if we made a mistake. we worry over possible foolishness and we sleep, fitfully. we go through our new daily schedule and create direction. we explore our new town and enjoy this quality time with family while we miss the family we left behind and the family that lives too far away. we landed in a pretty good place. we're looking forward to making it work and settling into our soon-to-be every days. until then we take each day as it comes. the pictures above are from the evening farmer's market. downtown is only two and half miles away and while we haven't quite made the leap to walking everywhere we did park far enough away to wander in and through, stopping for bbq dinner, a peek into the toy store, a hunt through the craft store and the lazy walk back, back, back to the car that got us safely home to enjoy a cup of cocoa. here's to lovelier days, nights and dreams. here's to clairty.


  1. oh i so wish i could be there to throw open the curtains and to drag you out for strong coffee and to squeeeeeeze you and laugh until i cry while you play "A is for apple B is for butt C is for cat butt" on the uke...
    meanwhile, i'm feeling like time is moving way way too fast and A&Z are moving so quickly that i keep glimpsing their tall tall backs walking out the door and off to college...

  2. I realize I have no authority or experience on this and the way you feel is the way you feel, but here's my two cents: You two are awesome, truly. You took an adventure, you didn't wait for your 60's or retirement to permit you, you jumped in and lived. Good for you! I don't believe it was a mistake, and I would hate for whatever you're feeling to take away from the magic that was had on said trip. You're going to find your groove, you will, just as you made your trip a reality you will make your new world fantastic as well, probably even better.... it just may be in steps. Like I said I'm not an authority, but I know a good bet when I see it and I'd put money on you any day of the week.

    That last line is influenced by my neighbor Sticks, who is a professional gambler... not a profession I would ever recommend by the way, but he is way cool.