Monday, July 14, 2008

no week in review

Please accept my apologies for stepping outside of the scrumdilly world to blather on about something so personal as this. I have another blog I use for this stuff but I thought I would explain a smidge why I have been out of sorts...

I'm still too angry and heartbroken to step outside of myself and be the happy jek that everyone smiles at. Pictures were taken thankfully in some ways because of the auto-pilot but inside, sorrow coursed through me. This loss of sorts, this intangible far reaching loss hurts. I hurt. I'm still physically taken aback at how much "it" hurt in real time let alone all the mind junk I'm going through. For three years we tried...in the world of DES it seems I won the lottery. Even if I was the sort of person who would pursue infertility treatments, my home base, my parts have very little, very very little chance of performing. The tubes are blocked with a capital B and the shape is all T-shaped and to top it all off, my uterus is abnormally small. So now I get to worry that I might actually conceive because it will most probably be ectopic and if it isn't I will most likely miscarry. how do I sort this out? I am sad. Simply sad.

17 comments:

  1. You can be Happy Jek, when you are ready for it. In the meantime, I am so, so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Jek I am sorry to hear this news. Some friends of mine are dealing with similar issues and I see how deeply it affects them. It doesn't seem fair that people like you and them - who would make great parents - have such roadblocks to starting a family.

    Sending you and Artboy a huge hug and permission to feel however you feel.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jek - If anybody is meant to be parents, it is you guys. Any children in your lives, present and future, be they of blood or not, will be blessed to have such caring and fun loving folks to call family.

    Sending lots of love your way...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so so sorry to hear this :( I have not looked into why I cannot get pregnant and I have been only trying a year(I just think mine is that I am older)

    I am sending you a BIG hug, even though you don't know me and amazing wishes that somehow things will work out, you never know....you deserve the BEST in life!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I realize you don't know me. However, when I'm having a bad day, I go to your blog and check out the pix and comments for the day.

    Having said that, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Please hang in there. I agree with Lisa, be happy when you are ready.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Argh, Jek, that's really sad news. And I can't think of any single other person in this world who would make a more awesome mother than you, which makes it a billion times more unjust.

    Do you know this blog?
    http://bohemiangirldesigns.blogspot.com/
    She seems a lovely, creative person and is going through infertility stuff and blogs about it pretty bravely and candidly...

    My thoughts are with you, sweet princess. Take this hankie, and sweet tea and back rub.
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Jek, that's such a terrible thing for you to face. Hugs to you. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better for you. Take the time off from blogging that you need, but realize, we don't need you to be happy for us all the time. We need you to be you, no matter how you're feeling.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I couldn´t say it better than jennifer (feltmouse) ... it´s so unfair ...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3:00 AM

    Hello Jek, this is the first time I've come to your blog and I'm so sad to read this. I'm in a similar boat to you, and it is very, very painful.

    I second the recommendation of bohogirl's blog - I find it very helpful.

    I hope that you can come to terms with your sorrow and that one way or another, you will have a family.

    Best wishes

    helen

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous2:14 PM

    sending you your child, however she gets to you, i hope she gets to you at the right time. you and mr. a go go will be awesome parents. the spirit of your baby is already alive. how the child gets to you probably isn't up to you, but up to god and the universe. the family that is meant for you and perfect for you will come to you. i send you many many good wishes and blessings. my husband and i treid for 8 years. we are jsut coming to different conclusions about what to do next. i want to adopt, he thinks maybe we are meant to help children on a wider scale. in the meantime, we are godparents and aunties and uncles. it is sooo painful, i know. esp when you lvoe chidlren and would be so so good at it. you ahve natural abilities and talents in this area, like me. but i firmly beleive that your family, the onbe youa re suppsoed to have, will get to you. i bless you. xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am so sorry and sending you my warmest thoughts and love and tons of hugs. Jennifer said exactly what I was thinking so I'll just echo her:

    If anybody is meant to be parents, it is you guys. Any children in your lives, present and future, be they of blood or not, will be blessed to have such caring and fun loving folks to call family.

    xoxoxoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  12. I know you don't know me but I couldn't leave without just letting you know I am sad with you...((hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just a note to let you know that even though I only know you through your blog, I care. Love.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm so sorry. You seem like you would be such a wonderful parent.

    ReplyDelete
  15. oh friend. I am so so sorry. please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  16. I only recently dicovered your blog. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. I hope that since you wrote this post that you have found a healthy way of coping with it. My husband and I found out back in April that we are not able to have children biologically. So my heart goes out to you in your pain...because my heart has felt it too. I'm not sure what words of encouragement to give you except what I have had to hold onto through our experience...no matter how unfair it seems, this has happened for a reason.

    ReplyDelete