Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Always at odds...

it seems.

I'm finishing up a class on effective communication. It is a core class for my degree and has been most helpful and informative. My small group of classmates are a hoot and we genuinely have fun even with all the darn role playing we have to do. None of us it seems are a fan of role playing. The other night in class we were discussing authentic power and self-actualization. In my head, I like to think I live pretty authentically. I may or may not feel I have any sense of control or power over things but I do know that I try to move forward with intent and kindness. We were hanging out during the break talking about changing eating habits to feel better and look better and all that jazz. I came home energized with this idea that I would purge my sugar cravings starting Friday. I would purge my need for tall glasses of cold milk and sugary sweet iced coffee and strive to create lovely lunches at home to take with me to school during my next two intensives. Did I tell you I am taking crazy courses where I will attend one class for a full forty hours in one week? Then turn around and take a different class for forty hours the next week? Intense! Crazy! Yikes!

Anywhoo, I get home from class all jazzed about August being healthy month. I can't sleep I'm planning all the swell yumminess I am going to prepare. I wake up early and prepare oatmeal with fruit for breakfast. I hit an early movie with a friend and I bring my water with me. I et home and think "Hmmmm, it is lunchtime, I should eat" but I'm not really hungry. I pull out the boysenberries the mister picked that morning and snack on them. I pour myself a tall glass of water and drink. I set about reading the final two chapters of one of my class books when I realize I am in fact hungry. I hit the kitchen and all I want is sugar, sugar, sugar! I reach for a ginger cookie and fantasize about adding hot fudge, ice cream and whipped cream to it. I of course believe this would be an excellent choice for lunch, don't you? Instead I make up a simple syrup of ginger and mint and pour myself a homemade ginger ale. I plan dinner instead because it is late enough and I eventually sit down to a bbq tofu sandwich on wheat with homegrown tomatoes & avocados plus onion & cheese. It is delicious and filling and healthy. but I still want an ice cream sandwich. Sigh. Always at odds....

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