Oh how I could use some comfort food right now.
There is a wee wild beast tearing through the tiny casa with it's tail so full I would swear it was a raccoon. The sky is gray and heavy with clouds, the air is cool and I have so much to do and yet I feel exhausted. There are the beginnings of a sore throat which was predicted the moment the mister's tonsils swelled and there is the heavy, heavy tiredness that comes with worry. I'm not a "worry a little" kind of a person, I am a big time downward spiral style worrier. When I have one thing to worry about I decide my worry needs company so I find other things to worry about. This time, while I did indeed add to my worry, I actually have other things heavy on my mind. It is not unlike the can of crushed pineapple that recently exploded in our tiny pantry cabinet. I feel I need to let it out, unload but I don't everyone to run for the hills. I don't know exactly what I want but maybe all I need is to get it out there. So here is a rambling list o' worries feel free to scroll down to the happy picture instead.
Grandma worries me so, though yesterday she was doing so well she appeared back to normal. But I still worry about her, about her knowing she is near her end and I feel so sad for her because I can see it in her eyes that she wanted to do more but simply didn't and I selfishly worry that I will have those same regrets. I worry for the mister and his worrying. He's almost better at worrying than I am, our tiny casa right now is most certainly a place of doom and gloom though we try hard to mask it all with gnome making, cookie baking and polka dancing. I worry about my sister and all that she is going through. I worry about my brother, he may not live too far from me but sometimes I feel he is miles away. I worry for a dear, dear friend who has recently received the most awful news. I worry for my dear Roomie and her worries about her son. I feel unsure of my capabilities and am finding it so difficult to concentrate on schoolwork and then I feel a "why bother" sense and wonder what am I going to do...with my life. How will I contribute? How can I contribute? I worry for the family a-go-go and all their ups and downs and I feel so, so, sad and tired. I feel a sad longing for my grandma, my mother, I miss her so much, and for our failed attempts at a wee baby a-go-go. I feel sad, anxious, tired and lost. I want to pull all the shades and go back to sleep so that I can wake up to sunshine and lighter endeavors. Instead I will sit on the sofa and stitch, stitch away. I will bake some pumpkin cookies, watch taped television and attempt to work on my papers. Instead I will do my best to create something that makes me smile, if only for a moment.