Friday, September 07, 2007

Photobooth Friday: the first booth

This was the first time I was in a photobooth. I believe I am one here but I might not be. I'm currently in the anxiety filled world of paper writing for class. My first paper is due Monday and I need to hash out a 10 page saga of my development and I cannot for the life of me think of where to start. Do I start young? Do I start with the broken home story? Do I detail my anxiety over friends and misconceptions? Do I write about the two years I spent in a not-so-good-for-me relationship? Do I write about my mother's death? My current happiness? Photoboothing? Now there's a thought, maybe I should write about the boothing. I think I'm aware of the emotional impact it has made on my conscious thought and development but then again my brain sems to seriously want to take a nap, or a vacation or a bath. Something. Yesterday was spent completely addled. Anxiety up to my eyeballs and super emotions tearing up the place. I couldn't get anything out. I sat infront of the keyboard and nothing came to me. I sat down to sew and I couldn't. I lost two piles of packaged goodies. Not lost-lost but misplaced. They're here somewhere only I can't see them. It is like they are hiding from me. I feel like I'm looking out the window from a many-storied building and my stomach is flip-slopping all over the place and I am not sure why. This program I am starting is intense. The writing that will be required of me is scary and the vulnerablilty that will visit in the classroom is making me weepy already. I have a knot in my back and I cannot focus...on anything. Not even a quick trip to the kitchen to bake some shortbread will help. I'm always up for a revisit to my past but picking one element to write about intimidates me. OAnd, of course there is the house that needs cleaning, food that needs cooking, projects that need making and packages that really need to be mailed already. I can't focus on any of them. I'm having a difficult time focusing on this small blurb I'm writing right now. I'm drowsy and snacky and so very very addled. Maybe a nap or some reading is in order. I don't know, does anyone of a good method for getting your brain to cooperate? I could use a little help or push or maybe kick in the pants. Toodles for now. Wish me luck and click here for more details on the picture and if you have a moment, take a gander at the flickr pool and visit Hula's Photobooth Friday.

5 comments:

  1. oh sweet jek. be kind to yourself and your words and creativity will come. The boothing could be such a great topic since it appears to be something that has spanned thru your life and is such fun and grounding thing.
    take a deep breath, lie on the floor with your feet up the wall and give yourself time.

    and most of all have a good weekend.. :)

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  2. Poor Jek!
    Why not write about them all? Start off by writing each section, and then you'll get your mojo going and work out how they all interrelate to make the Jek of today.
    And you'll be fine at school - you wouldn't be in the program if you didn't have the talent!
    Hope you're feeling a bit better now.
    xx

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  3. thank you ladies...

    i babbled on in my paper and mailed it in. now of course i can think of many more things to focus on but i guess that is what the first paper is for. it's not a very good paper, but it's a start. phew!

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  4. Just take a deep breath, and mutter, "serenity now..." either that or have a beer and prozac chaser. That frame of mind is what has been keeping me from blogging for the past 3 mos or doing anything creative, I don't even know where to begin. I totally feel your pain. I think just walking away from the pile of stuff to-do and taking a break will clear your head, and soon you'll be back to your old creative self again. You can do it!

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  5. thanks jules...if only i drank! :)

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