Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Under the quirky-not-so-big top

Have you ever had on those days where you seem to be in a circus of sorts? You know, when you open your mouth and some other unknown language sings out and things fall from the sky and you dissolve into giggles so bad that people cross the street so as not to walk by you?

Welcome to my Monday. It wasn't bad but it was one of those days. From the circus mirror in my head displaying BIG time to things falling from the sky to my inability to communicate in an eloquent manner. At least I can laugh which I did and if there had been anything in my mouth it would have come out through my nose. Why is it when people laugh in groups of two or more, the laughter is contagious but when a singleton guffaws gleefully people run for the hills?

The first incident is the circus mirror. I have this crazy circus mirror in my head. It is like I'm wearing warped contact lenses and no matter how cute and perky I feel, when I see myself in a mirror I see circus girl. Funky shaped, elongated in the wrong places and much more curvy than I like to imagine. I look in the mirror and I hear circus music. Gimme some balls and I'll juggle for ya! It ain't purdy when the circus mirror is in town and it lowers my mood disturbingly so. I know I don't really look like that at least I hope, hope, hope not but when I imagine that I do...I am a not so perky lobster-girl. After the circus mirror came the phone call. I had a kick off moment of forgetting how to speak which then shaped my day. I was calling a somewhat local hardware store to see if they still sold eggs from their family farm. In my head the conversation was going to go like this:

Them: Virgil's this is Beth.
Me: Hi there! Do you folks still carry farm fresh eggs?"

The reality went like this:

Them: Virgil's this is Jen.
Me: Folks!
Me: I mean um...eggs! Hi there! Do you still sell eggs?
Jen: Yes we do...
Me: Cool! Oh wait, um, are they you know...the kind...you know...what's that word? DO your eggs...I mean does your family still um...you know...well, harvest? Do you guys? Are they fresh?
Jen: Yeeeeesss? (back away from the phone!)
Me: Thank you! (all perky and not at all nutty sounding)

I hang up the phone and start laughing. What was that? Then I tried calling my dentist but the number was listed as disconnected so I called the operated and they verified it and tried to connect me but it didn't work so when I called back ot get the credit, all twenty-five cents of it, I couldn't figure out how to tell the new operator what the deal was and she too spoke to me in a slow and questionable manner.

Then, as I was walking to the library thinking I had conquered the circus mirror with my slinky (as in the toy, not tight) t-shirt, slouchy cropped jeans and pretty white parasol, a HUGE blob of bird poo plopped on top of the parasol. The bird was so generous that it oozed about almost dripping onto the sidewalk. The jacaranda blossoms were also falling and while they are all pretty in their purpleness, a purple blossom sticking to bird poo is somehow not appealing. This is where I laughed like a loon which caused a lady who was sweeping her porch to hurry inside and shut the door. I laughed because I imagined I was strolling all serene and pretty like humming a Doris Day tune when PLOP! At least the library had a bathroom and the parasol was made of nylon not paper so I could wash it off. Can you imagine if I didn't have the parasol? Thank you Chinatown.

Next up, I walked to the local bookstore and proceeded to harass a customer into helping me find a book. I didn't really harass him but I did think he worked there and got all embarrassed because I pride myself on knowing who is who and I should know the staff at the bookstore. I got so flustered that I did that thing where you can't stop cracking jokes at your own stupidity and you do that awkward laugh, snort thing. Sheesh! He was super nice though and took pity on me and flagged down a bookseller who could help me but who had no idea about the book I was looking for which is normal and I ended up finding it myself while the seller was standing next to me which made me clap my hands and say yay and then tell him he was good karma. Karma? I meant that he brought me karma but you know, it was one of those days.

My last stop was 7-eleven for a slurpee fix and all I did there was gut a guy with my poo-free parasol. Oh what an adventure.
aranzi machine gun volume 1
I did however pick up this nifty book/zine, Aranzi Machine Gun vol. 1 (volume two is out in July!) also which is a cousin to The Cute Book which I received a while back from the best box sender ever! Check it out, it is quite kawaii-adorable-nifty-cool-fun. It is a combination comic book/graphic novel/crafty expose'. I think my favorite short in this volume is Miss Applique which ends with nifty applique patterns and how tos.

Today I hope to kick this cold! Keep that circus music coming and hand me some peanuts won't ya?

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