Thursday, June 21, 2007

This ain't your hipster's workout

 I used to think I was coordinated but then yesterday, I attempted the Bollywood Dance Workout. This Saturday, there is a free Bollywood workout class that I was thinking of attending. I am quite lazy when it comes to "working out", actually, I am more than lazy since I don't actually workout. A walk or bike ride once or twice a week is a workout for me but I love to dance so I thought how fun would a Bollywood Dance workout be? To see if I thought I could stick out the class I checked my library and was gleeful to discover a DVD. In all seriousness, I thought I would rock this workout. I thought I would learn some nifty Bollywood moves. I thought I was super swell.

And then, I popped it in.

Not having any experience with workout videos I thought the sickeningly sweet and slightly overacted introduction was par for the course. Luckily it didn't carry over to the rest of the session. Three pretty and semi-curvy ladies are in a pleasingly Bombay-like decorated room that opens to a garden. The music is semi bad 80's movie with a lot of synthesizer. The instructions are voiced over and her voice isn't too bad. It is not at all unlike those early 80's aerobic shows that would come on in the morning before cartoons. The DVD is broken down into parts that add up to about an hour of movement. The first part, six minutes long is for the warm-up.

I stand there in my living room in my mushroom print pajama bottoms and black sleeveless t-shirt ready to roll. I shake my hips, I rock my hips, I am a hip, hip, hippy girl. I sway to the left. I sway to the right. I sway, shake and bounce and thank the workforce that Mr.A-go-go isn't there. I get into the groove and bounce, dip, sway, tap foot from one side to the next and then she says to speed it up and I'm doing a triple step. I'm a little awkward but I find my groove and I'm all bollywood girl. Then, she says, throw some shoulders in and I think to waggle them about kind of like shoulder rolls from belly dance but what the three beauties on my t.v. screen are doing and what I am doing are two completely different things. Huh? Okay, they're shrugging their shoulders. I can do that. So I do. Shrugging my shoulders and shaking my hips, I can do. Shrugging my shoulders while doing the triple step shuffle thing, I cannot. With each shuffle step and one shoulder thrust thing, I hop along the oh so old, wood floors in our tiny bungalow. With each hop against the floors little things jostle and move...a sock monkey falls off the shelf, a pen rolls off the ironing board, tchotkies here and there hit the floor. I'm like Godzilla who needs to get her groove on. I am cracking up but I can do this.

And then she says to speed things up a little.

What? I'm already moving around and knocking things down how on earth can I speed things up? I peer at the screen and see the ladies all shrugging their shoulders double time. Double time! Have you tried that? Are you trying it right now? It ain't easy I tell ya! Not only are they shrugging their shoulders double time, they are using their hands in a whimsical way and they are smiling and enjoying themselves all within the rhythm of the music. I'm not anywhere near the rhythm but I'm smiling, I'm enjoying myself. Actually I am rolling on the floor laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes and I need to puff my inhaler.

I used to think I was coordinated until Bollywood came into my life. I don't think I will be attending the free class this Saturday but I do think I will try the workout again. It's an hour or so long and I only lasted 12 minutes but boy, did I get a workout!

Check out the Bollywood version of Michael Jackson's Thriller!


  1. Oh Jek, you made me laugh out loud!
    I think you should go anyway, I think there would be hilarity to be had!

  2. Gads I love you, jek...
    as zaza would say, "i LOFFED and LOFFED!"
    (I MUST find me that dvd...)

    and thursday should be fine -- we're back wednesday night, and it's only a train trip, so i'm game if you are.

  3. You are so funny, I laughed out loud and almost woke up the sleeping baby in my arms:-)

    I had a very similar experience doing a belly dance workout.