Friday, December 15, 2006

granny update

well...she WAS doing better but now she isn't. granny was admitted to the emergency room this morning and after too many hours and an almost release she was admitted for observation. when they say there is nothing wrong except for a respiratory infection i think whatdya mean? nothing wrong? her arteries are totally clogged in her legs. she has an ulcerated wound that won't heal, she can't breathe or control her bowels/bladder and last week she was bleeding for no reason...nothing wrong? excuse me?

i have no idea what i am doing here and i feel like a big fat failure for doing right by my granny. my mamos passed away 7 years ago this last monday and i didn't do enough for her at all and well...i'm a lil bit sad, stressed, confused & worried. granny has told me twice this week that she wants to die. how does one deal with that? i talked to her about death and have asked her many questions about what she believes, wants & feels. she told me she hopes she can go in her sleep and that with any luck she can haunt the other grandkids who don't do a darn...that made me smile...when i explained that maybe she would have to move to a nursing home she said we should just move her to Forest Lawn...i told her that if that were the case she wouldn't be in the cemetery but in my "dia de los muertos" cabinet with my least that made her chuckle and yes, it may seem dark, twisted and gloomy but my mother's ashes are in a wooden cabinet that my brother had built many years ago for Day of the Dead. it is in the living room.

sometimes, this whole grown-up world...simply sucks...


  1. I'm so sorry to hear that things are not right with Granny. Make yourself a pest with the doctors to get their attention so that they will help Granny. Keep smiling girlfriend things will come around for the better!! I'm sending you lots of huggs and good wishes!!

  2. Oh Jek,
    I so know where you are at now. Just spend as much time as you can talking and listening to Granny. And making her laugh. The transition to a nursing home will probably stress you out more than her. When my Grams moved into one I was furious, indignant, hysterical. She was looking for action at the bingo table.
    I am crossing my fingers and sending you both big hugs.