Friday, August 14, 2020

feeling a smidge crumpled


If I have to walk one more loop around my neighborhood I’m gonna crumple to the ground and just lie there. When we first received the safer at home order, we took it in stride and began daily walks around our neighborhood. Whether we turned right, or left at the end of the driveway didn’t matter, there were hills to be tackled, fences to be mocked, and Little Free Libraries to explore. From March to May we walked almost daily, enjoying the gardens of our distant neighbors, the handmade signs “We’re All in This Together”, the bears and the eggs, and the hellos and the waves. It was cool. There was rain, and wind, and magic hour sunsets, there were cats, and cats, and more cats to not pet (except Joe, I would pet Joe for a solid ten minutes.) We watched the leaves appear on the trees, the birds gathering nesting materials, the gardens appearing in front yards, and so much heartfelt curb appeal going on. There was an influx of Rufous Hummingbirds, the Kite family hatched four babes, and the occasional Western Bluebird would make a pitstop at our yard. 

We enjoyed the walks, masks and all, and we could do this and we did, for two and a half months. I’ve now seen all the things I can see in the neighborhood. The new stupid horizontal fences, the landscaping, the non-masked people huffing past in groups of three or more. It’s hot and not even too hot yet, but I’m cranky. I’m cranky with the people not wearing their masks, I’m cranky with the stupid horizontal fences (clearly I wasn’t the only one to binge watch Fip or Flop), and I’m cranky with the hills that fake me out. I’ve lost my Pollyanna vibe and it’s bugging me, but rather than do anything about it, here I am, looking up another muffin recipe on Pinterest because I’m now in the frame of mind of “Meh, screw it, gimme all the muffins and let’s watch Hallmark Christmas movies.” 

I still have library books I picked up IN MARCH that I have not read, nor can I read, feeling too troubled to read so instead I watch horror movies or Gilmore Girls for the ninety billionth time, and reread lame romance novels because things are just too scary right now but if I admit it, I’m living in fear, or overreacting. So instead, I bake muffins and post them on social media so all everyone thinks of me is “she sure eats a lot of sugar that one.” and I nap. I’ve now napped so much, I’m all napped out, tapped out, apped out, At the same time, I’m so freaking lucky. We are. There is a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, and mr. a-go-go is still employed and working from home. We laugh, and listen to music, and vent about the current political climate. We cook dinners without sugar and make plans to walk that we ditch for cat videos instead. We eat fresh berries from the garden, and herbs from my herb pots, and homemade scones every other week or so. We have soap to wash our hands, and fabric to make our own masks, and enough affection and gooey love for each other to get through whatever this chaos is. We’re so dang lucky I could just crumple to the ground because the view from there is all blue skies and happy clouds. 

Hang in there everyone. Covid-19 is no joke. Racism is real. Black Lives Matter. Wash your hands, and be kind to yourself and each other.